Is the PTSD Epidemic Society’s Fault?

I was looking through some videos for use in my class and ran across Sabastian Junger, who thinks that the problem with the PTSD epidemic might be society, rather than those with PTSD. What he was saying is plausible if you look at the way our society treats people with mental health issues. We have become so individualistic that veterans do not know who to turn to, so they do not turn to anyone and they try to deal with their PTSD on their own. No one says it aloud, but we do not welcome those with PTSD back into society. People fear them and often try to stay away from them, leaving their families to pick up the pieces. So often people throw money at an issue and think that will fix the problem but it never does.

I am often asked “why was PTSD not an issue after WWII and the Korean war”? That is a good question, and I have a theory. After WWII and Korea, veterans came home and blended back into society, they were accepted because everyone understood, everyone contributed to the war effort and sacrifices were made by all of society. WWII veterans also had time to decompress with their buddies while on the long ship ride home. Whenever a WWII or Korean war veteran did something considered outside the norm of society all that needed to be said was “he was in the war” and the issue was dropped. These veterans were not looked down upon, they were respected and not labeled with a “disability”. So often these veterans were accepted back into society and lived a normal life. That all changed when the troops from the Vietnam War came home.

The Vietnam War was a turning point for America when it comes to wars and society. The Anti-war protesters rallied and called our veterans baby killer.  Our veterans were spit on, and shunned because our society could not, and did not want to understand. Many of the protesters dodged the draft for assorted reasons, so they created a hostile environment for our Vietnam veterans to return to.  Since we know PTSD is a constant battle with threat assessment, these protests exacerbated veteran’s PTSD, the veterans felt threatened, as anyone would have, causing them to disconnect from society. This makes it is easy to understand how PTSD could stick around for some veterans.    

In the recent wars, we have had service members go on multiple deployments. Unlike the Vietnam veterans the present veterans are coming home to a hero’s welcome. It often makes you wonder if this is a good thing. I believe the new veterans are treated with respect and looked up to because of the guilt society has about how our Vietnam veterans were treated when they returned. Just like when the Vietnam veterans returned our society continually struggles with divisiveness, hate, and contempt. We are not a unified country and this puts our veterans in a heighted state of threat assessment, intensifying their PTSD. They feel they need to be on guard all the time. I don’t think this is what we fought for, a country that is divided to a point of dysfunction. If the military was as dysfunctional as our society it would cease to exist.      

For many veterans, this type of society is not what we fought for. We miss the camaraderie of our military family. We know that even if we have issues with someone in our military family they will still have our backs. We lose that sense of security when we return to society, we must watch our own backs, feeding into the hypervigilance caused by PTSD. The idea of feeling safe is gone, leaving us to use PTSD as a tool to survive.  What our veterans with PTSD need is connection, understanding, and a purpose. But society will not give them a chance because they are different and society doesn’t understand because they don’t have to.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro. 

Families Need to Become Educated About PTSD

I went to a veteran’s event last weekend and sat up a booth trying to promote the free mental health services for veterans and their families. Very few people stop because I am promoting mental health. Countless events I set for hours while people just walk by with no one stopping to talk, a few pick up flyers and keep walking. As I try to engage people I can see their discomfort because no one wants to be seen talking to someone promoting mental health. When I walk away from my booth I am approached by veterans and family members seeking counseling without counseling. Often these conversations are spouses of veterans wanting to know what they can do to get their veteran into counseling or ask questions about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I am always willing to help but these conversations are too complex for a 5-minute sidebar chat in an open area. If answering questions with a sidebar talk could fix the issues or increase understanding of PTSD there wouldn’t be a need for PTSD treatments. As a mental health professional we are successful when we work ourselves out of a job, we all wish the issues concerning PTSD could be solved with a 5- minute discussion, it’s just not that easy.     

It is a well-known fact that a large stigma exists within the military ranks about mental health. Veterans are taught to suck it up and deal with it. Military members are unrealistically expected by society and family members to come home from war and act as if nothing ever happened. In many cases military members see things no human should ever have to see and do things against our moral code. Military members and their families are stuck dealing with the aftermath of necessary wartime actions. The suck it up and deal with it attitude might help in theatre but is not helpful once they arrive home. Military members are asked to give up their family life and families are asked to bear the burden of war. Veterans return from war to a family and society that does not understand the horrors that many of them see. Due to the mental health stigma many veterans will not seek help for fear of being labeled crazy by the military, society or their family. The mental health stigma in the military is engrained in veterans creating a huge barrier to overcome by both the family member and the veteran.

It is difficult for family members to understand why a veteran will not get help for their mental health issues. As a prior military member and veteran I understand why veterans do not seek mental health help. Family members should understand not getting help has little to do with them. The military culture has a negative view on warriors seeking mental health help. Veterans fear the loss of confidence in them from their peers and the possibilities of losing their careers if they seek psychological help.  This attitude can carry over once a military member becomes a veteran for good reason. Mental health stigma exists in the civilian culture as well, just not as prominent. Veterans worry about their civilian peers, employers, and family members seeing them as weak. This is where the families come in.

Veteran’s spouses and families are key to getting help for PTSD. If you want a veteran to get help for PTSD getting them to do it for their families can work. Often veterans will not do it for themselves but they will do it for someone they care about and love. I have had numerous veterans say they don’t need help but their wives threatened to leave them if they didn’t get the help they feel they don’t need. The help they didn’t need enhanced their relationships making most of them better spouses and citizens. By family members becoming educated on PTSD they can understand the why’s and how’s of PTSD. Education can give family members the power to have the conversation with their loved one. In return the education will help the family members help themselves, leading to a better relationship with their loved one. The efforts taken by family and friends can lead to getting back the happy life they deserve.

Being Married to PTSD or having a loved one with PTSD is a challenge. By becoming knowledgeable about PTSD and why someone reacts the way they do when triggered can help better your relationship. There is a lot of information about PTSD out there, especially the internet, some good some bad. The common theme I see is family members being told what to do about PTSD, but not how to do it. Become educated on how to handle situations, not what to do can help. Having the proper tools and knowing how to do what you are told to do make easier to be Married to PTSD and may save your relationship.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Suicide: Not Just for Veterans Anymore

I was approached by one of my students who had received some bad, her friend Emma had committed suicide the day of class. My student, Jan was in the US Army and had become close to Emma because she used to keep her kids while Jan was working. Jan had just talked to Emma 2 days prior and said there was no indication of her thinking about committing suicide. Jan was aware that Emma’s husband Michael had developed PTSD after 2 combat tours, that created an added pressure on their relationship but Jan thought it would blow over. Jan acknowledged that Emma had helped her raise her kids and was like a second mother to them and she worried how Emma’s death would affect her children. Like most military families separated from their biological family Emma was a part of Jan’s military family. Jan had heard about the suicide from another friend through their extensive network. Jan kept trying to call Michael to find what was going on. After multiple calls and panicked messages Michael finally picked the phone up and talked to her. Michael had come home with their 7-year-old daughter and found Emma hanging in the hallway. Jan was concerned about Emma and Michael’s 7-year-old daughter, she was also concerned about what she was going to tell her own children who knew Emma well. We discussed how she could have a conversation about Emma’s death with her own children. Unfortunately, Jan and Emma’s situation is not abnormal. Many military and veteran’s spouses commit suicide because of having to live with the effects of PTSD on their family.    

After multiple deployments, spouses living with someone having PTSD must hold the family together. Studies have shown spouses of active duty and military veterans have a higher rate of suicidal thoughts than their civilian counterparts, especially those who are caregivers and support of the wounded veteran. This is not the first generation of military families to deal with deployments, however, there is no precedence for studying multiple deployments and its effects on families. With the military and Veterans Administration’s (VA) limitations on helping spouses, there’s little help for family members dealing with a loved one having PTSD. The clinicians who work for the military and VA are up to their necks dealing with the active duty and veterans themselves, they must place their emphasis on those in uniform or veterans. They have little if no time for spouses.

There are a lot of military families who do not know anything but wartime, so living in wartime is their normal. It’s not just the spouses of active duty or veterans who suffer from the effects of PTSD, their children struggle also. Recent research has also shown that military connected adolescents also have a higher rate of suicidal thoughts than the civilian counterparts. Being an adolescent is tough, but it is even tougher on those living with someone who has PTSD.  

There are subtle differences between active duty, spouses, and family members living with PTSD. One of the biggest differences is active duty family members fear seeking help, for fear it will hurt their spouse’s careers. Spouses struggle with the stigma associated with mental health just like their veteran loved one. In military and veteran culture seeking mental health help is a sign of weakness so they do not ask any help. Also, families who are still active duty continually struggle with deployments and continually wait for the next time their spouse or parent will deploy to a warzone again.

When our society discuss suicide in our veteran community, we don’t discuss the effects of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) on someone who is married to PTSD like Emma was. Our society is so focused on the 1 active duty and 20 Veteran who commit suicide every day. We don’t pay attention to the spouses and family members who commit suicide because of the issues brought on by living with someone who has PTSD. There must be something done about the family members suicides. The spouses and family members who are thinking about or have committed suicide deserve to be looked at as a cost of war, just like their military / veteran spouses. So often the spouses and family members turn to the government for help with little to no success. They are forced to turn to clinicians in the private sector because of the lack of help by the government who caused their problem. But so often family members believe these clinicians are ill-prepared to hear or understand what is happening in their military and veteran families. There are civilian military veterans and family members who are clinicians, just look for them. Also, many civilian clinicians understand and treat PTSD families daily, give them a chance to help you.

Presently there is no indication that the Department of Defense (DOD) or the VA is tracking the number of military family members who commit suicide. There is also no indication the DOD or VA will start serving family members. That leaves us to look after each other. Also, it is important for family members who are struggling to seek help from the civilian’s if they need help, you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. September is suicide awareness month. Remember don’t be scared to ask a loved one or a friend if they are thinking about suicide. You might just save their life! 

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Is the PTSD Epidemic Society’s Fault?

I was looking through some videos for use in my class and ran across Sabastian Junger, who thinks that the problem with the PTSD epidemic might be society, rather than those with PTSD. What he was saying is plausible if you look at the way our society treats people with mental health issues. We have become so individualistic that veterans do not know who to turn to, so they do not turn to anyone and they try to deal with their PTSD on their own. No one says it aloud, but we do not welcome those with PTSD back into society. People fear them and often try to stay away from them, leaving their families to pick up the pieces. So often people throw money at an issue and think that will fix the problem but it never does.

I am often asked “why was PTSD not an issue after WWII and the Korean war”? That is a good question, and I have a theory. After WWII and Korea, veterans came home and blended back into society, they were accepted because everyone understood, everyone contributed to the war effort and sacrifices were made by all of society. WWII veterans also had time to decompress with their buddies while on the long ship ride home. Whenever a WWII or Korean war veteran did something considered outside the norm of society all that needed to be said was “he was in the war” and the issue was dropped. These veterans were not looked down upon, they were respected and not labeled with a “disability”. So often these veterans were accepted back into society and lived a normal life. That all changed when the troops from the Vietnam War came home.

The Vietnam War was a turning point for America when it comes to wars and society. The Anti-war protesters rallied and called our veterans baby killer.  Our veterans were spit on, and shunned because our society could not, and did not want to understand. Many of the protesters dodged the draft for assorted reasons, so they created a hostile environment for our Vietnam veterans to return to.  Since we know PTSD is a constant battle with threat assessment, these protests exacerbated veteran’s PTSD, the veterans felt threatened, as anyone would have, causing them to disconnect from society. This makes it is easy to understand how PTSD could stick around for some veterans.    

In the recent wars, we have had service members go on multiple deployments. Unlike the Vietnam veterans the present veterans are coming home to a hero’s welcome. It often makes you wonder if this is a good thing. I believe the new veterans are treated with respect and looked up to because of the guilt society has about how our Vietnam veterans were treated when they returned. Just like when the Vietnam veterans returned our society continually struggles with divisiveness, hate, and contempt. We are not a unified country and this puts our veterans in a heighted state of threat assessment, intensifying their PTSD. They feel they need to be on guard all the time. I don’t think this is what we fought for, a country that is divided to a point of dysfunction. If the military was as dysfunctional as our society it would cease to exist.      

For many veterans, this type of society is not what we fought for. We miss the camaraderie of our military family. We know that even if we have issues with someone in our military family they will still have our backs. We lose that sense of security when we return to society, we must watch our own backs, feeding into the hypervigilance caused by PTSD. The idea of feeling safe is gone, leaving us to use PTSD as a tool to survive.  What our veterans with PTSD need is connection, understanding, and a purpose. But society will not give them a chance because they are different and society doesn’t understand because they don’t have to.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro. 

Families Need to Become Educated About PTSD

I went to a veteran’s event last weekend and sat up a booth trying to promote the free mental health services for veterans and their families. Very few people stop because I am promoting mental health. Countless events I set for hours while people just walk by with no one stopping to talk, a few pick up flyers and keep walking. As I try to engage people I can see their discomfort because no one wants to be seen talking to someone promoting mental health. When I walk away from my booth I am approached by veterans and family members seeking counseling without counseling. Often these conversations are spouses of veterans wanting to know what they can do to get their veteran into counseling or ask questions about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I am always willing to help but these conversations are too complex for a 5-minute sidebar chat in an open area. If answering questions with a sidebar talk could fix the issues or increase understanding of PTSD there wouldn’t be a need for PTSD treatments. As a mental health professional we are successful when we work ourselves out of a job, we all wish the issues concerning PTSD could be solved with a 5- minute discussion, it’s just not that easy.     

It is a well-known fact that a large stigma exists within the military ranks about mental health. Veterans are taught to suck it up and deal with it. Military members are unrealistically expected by society and family members to come home from war and act as if nothing ever happened. In many cases military members see things no human should ever have to see and do things against our moral code. Military members and their families are stuck dealing with the aftermath of necessary wartime actions. The suck it up and deal with it attitude might help in theatre but is not helpful once they arrive home. Military members are asked to give up their family life and families are asked to bear the burden of war. Veterans return from war to a family and society that does not understand the horrors that many of them see. Due to the mental health stigma many veterans will not seek help for fear of being labeled crazy by the military, society or their family. The mental health stigma in the military is engrained in veterans creating a huge barrier to overcome by both the family member and the veteran.

It is difficult for family members to understand why a veteran will not get help for their mental health issues. As a prior military member and veteran I understand why veterans do not seek mental health help. Family members should understand not getting help has little to do with them. The military culture has a negative view on warriors seeking mental health help. Veterans fear the loss of confidence in them from their peers and the possibilities of losing their careers if they seek psychological help.  This attitude can carry over once a military member becomes a veteran for good reason. Mental health stigma exists in the civilian culture as well, just not as prominent. Veterans worry about their civilian peers, employers, and family members seeing them as weak. This is where the families come in.

Veteran’s spouses and families are key to getting help for PTSD. If you want a veteran to get help for PTSD getting them to do it for their families can work. Often veterans will not do it for themselves but they will do it for someone they care about and love. I have had numerous veterans say they don’t need help but their wives threatened to leave them if they didn’t get the help they feel they don’t need. The help they didn’t need enhanced their relationships making most of them better spouses and citizens. By family members becoming educated on PTSD they can understand the why’s and how’s of PTSD. Education can give family members the power to have the conversation with their loved one. In return the education will help the family members help themselves, leading to a better relationship with their loved one. The efforts taken by family and friends can lead to getting back the happy life they deserve.

Being Married to PTSD or having a loved one with PTSD is a challenge. By becoming knowledgeable about PTSD and why someone reacts the way they do when triggered can help better your relationship. There is a lot of information about PTSD out there, especially the internet, some good some bad. The common theme I see is family members being told what to do about PTSD, but not how to do it. Become educated on how to handle situations, not what to do can help. Having the proper tools and knowing how to do what you are told to do make easier to be Married to PTSD and may save your relationship.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Suicide: Not Just for Veterans Anymore

I was approached by one of my students who had received some bad, her friend Emma had committed suicide the day of class. My student, Jan was in the US Army and had become close to Emma because she used to keep her kids while Jan was working. Jan had just talked to Emma 2 days prior and said there was no indication of her thinking about committing suicide. Jan was aware that Emma’s husband Michael had developed PTSD after 2 combat tours, that created an added pressure on their relationship but Jan thought it would blow over. Jan acknowledged that Emma had helped her raise her kids and was like a second mother to them and she worried how Emma’s death would affect her children. Like most military families separated from their biological family Emma was a part of Jan’s military family. Jan had heard about the suicide from another friend through their extensive network. Jan kept trying to call Michael to find what was going on. After multiple calls and panicked messages Michael finally picked the phone up and talked to her. Michael had come home with their 7-year-old daughter and found Emma hanging in the hallway. Jan was concerned about Emma and Michael’s 7-year-old daughter, she was also concerned about what she was going to tell her own children who knew Emma well. We discussed how she could have a conversation about Emma’s death with her own children. Unfortunately, Jan and Emma’s situation is not abnormal. Many military and veteran’s spouses commit suicide because of having to live with the effects of PTSD on their family.    

After multiple deployments, spouses living with someone having PTSD must hold the family together. Studies have shown spouses of active duty and military veterans have a higher rate of suicidal thoughts than their civilian counterparts, especially those who are caregivers and support of the wounded veteran. This is not the first generation of military families to deal with deployments, however, there is no precedence for studying multiple deployments and its effects on families. With the military and Veterans Administration’s (VA) limitations on helping spouses, there’s little help for family members dealing with a loved one having PTSD. The clinicians who work for the military and VA are up to their necks dealing with the active duty and veterans themselves, they must place their emphasis on those in uniform or veterans. They have little if no time for spouses.

There are a lot of military families who do not know anything but wartime, so living in wartime is their normal. It’s not just the spouses of active duty or veterans who suffer from the effects of PTSD, their children struggle also. Recent research has also shown that military connected adolescents also have a higher rate of suicidal thoughts than the civilian counterparts. Being an adolescent is tough, but it is even tougher on those living with someone who has PTSD.  

There are subtle differences between active duty, spouses, and family members living with PTSD. One of the biggest differences is active duty family members fear seeking help, for fear it will hurt their spouse’s careers. Spouses struggle with the stigma associated with mental health just like their veteran loved one. In military and veteran culture seeking mental health help is a sign of weakness so they do not ask any help. Also, families who are still active duty continually struggle with deployments and continually wait for the next time their spouse or parent will deploy to a warzone again.

When our society discuss suicide in our veteran community, we don’t discuss the effects of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) on someone who is married to PTSD like Emma was. Our society is so focused on the 1 active duty and 20 Veteran who commit suicide every day. We don’t pay attention to the spouses and family members who commit suicide because of the issues brought on by living with someone who has PTSD. There must be something done about the family members suicides. The spouses and family members who are thinking about or have committed suicide deserve to be looked at as a cost of war, just like their military / veteran spouses. So often the spouses and family members turn to the government for help with little to no success. They are forced to turn to clinicians in the private sector because of the lack of help by the government who caused their problem. But so often family members believe these clinicians are ill-prepared to hear or understand what is happening in their military and veteran families. There are civilian military veterans and family members who are clinicians, just look for them. Also, many civilian clinicians understand and treat PTSD families daily, give them a chance to help you.

Presently there is no indication that the Department of Defense (DOD) or the VA is tracking the number of military family members who commit suicide. There is also no indication the DOD or VA will start serving family members. That leaves us to look after each other. Also, it is important for family members who are struggling to seek help from the civilian’s if they need help, you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. September is suicide awareness month. Remember don’t be scared to ask a loved one or a friend if they are thinking about suicide. You might just save their life! 

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Is the PTSD Epidemic Society’s Fault?

I was looking through some videos for use in my class and ran across Sabastian Junger, who thinks that the problem with the PTSD epidemic might be society, rather than those with PTSD. What he was saying is plausible if you look at the way our society treats people with mental health issues. We have become so individualistic that veterans do not know who to turn to, so they do not turn to anyone and they try to deal with their PTSD on their own. No one says it aloud, but we do not welcome those with PTSD back into society. People fear them and often try to stay away from them, leaving their families to pick up the pieces. So often people throw money at an issue and think that will fix the problem but it never does.

I am often asked “why was PTSD not an issue after WWII and the Korean war”? That is a good question, and I have a theory. After WWII and Korea, veterans came home and blended back into society, they were accepted because everyone understood, everyone contributed to the war effort and sacrifices were made by all of society. WWII veterans also had time to decompress with their buddies while on the long ship ride home. Whenever a WWII or Korean war veteran did something considered outside the norm of society all that needed to be said was “he was in the war” and the issue was dropped. These veterans were not looked down upon, they were respected and not labeled with a “disability”. So often these veterans were accepted back into society and lived a normal life. That all changed when the troops from the Vietnam War came home.

The Vietnam War was a turning point for America when it comes to wars and society. The Anti-war protesters rallied and called our veterans baby killer.  Our veterans were spit on, and shunned because our society could not, and did not want to understand. Many of the protesters dodged the draft for assorted reasons, so they created a hostile environment for our Vietnam veterans to return to.  Since we know PTSD is a constant battle with threat assessment, these protests exacerbated veteran’s PTSD, the veterans felt threatened, as anyone would have, causing them to disconnect from society. This makes it is easy to understand how PTSD could stick around for some veterans.    

In the recent wars, we have had service members go on multiple deployments. Unlike the Vietnam veterans the present veterans are coming home to a hero’s welcome. It often makes you wonder if this is a good thing. I believe the new veterans are treated with respect and looked up to because of the guilt society has about how our Vietnam veterans were treated when they returned. Just like when the Vietnam veterans returned our society continually struggles with divisiveness, hate, and contempt. We are not a unified country and this puts our veterans in a heighted state of threat assessment, intensifying their PTSD. They feel they need to be on guard all the time. I don’t think this is what we fought for, a country that is divided to a point of dysfunction. If the military was as dysfunctional as our society it would cease to exist.      

For many veterans, this type of society is not what we fought for. We miss the camaraderie of our military family. We know that even if we have issues with someone in our military family they will still have our backs. We lose that sense of security when we return to society, we must watch our own backs, feeding into the hypervigilance caused by PTSD. The idea of feeling safe is gone, leaving us to use PTSD as a tool to survive.  What our veterans with PTSD need is connection, understanding, and a purpose. But society will not give them a chance because they are different and society doesn’t understand because they don’t have to.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro. 

Families Need to Become Educated About PTSD

I went to a veteran’s event last weekend and sat up a booth trying to promote the free mental health services for veterans and their families. Very few people stop because I am promoting mental health. Countless events I set for hours while people just walk by with no one stopping to talk, a few pick up flyers and keep walking. As I try to engage people I can see their discomfort because no one wants to be seen talking to someone promoting mental health. When I walk away from my booth I am approached by veterans and family members seeking counseling without counseling. Often these conversations are spouses of veterans wanting to know what they can do to get their veteran into counseling or ask questions about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I am always willing to help but these conversations are too complex for a 5-minute sidebar chat in an open area. If answering questions with a sidebar talk could fix the issues or increase understanding of PTSD there wouldn’t be a need for PTSD treatments. As a mental health professional we are successful when we work ourselves out of a job, we all wish the issues concerning PTSD could be solved with a 5- minute discussion, it’s just not that easy.     

It is a well-known fact that a large stigma exists within the military ranks about mental health. Veterans are taught to suck it up and deal with it. Military members are unrealistically expected by society and family members to come home from war and act as if nothing ever happened. In many cases military members see things no human should ever have to see and do things against our moral code. Military members and their families are stuck dealing with the aftermath of necessary wartime actions. The suck it up and deal with it attitude might help in theatre but is not helpful once they arrive home. Military members are asked to give up their family life and families are asked to bear the burden of war. Veterans return from war to a family and society that does not understand the horrors that many of them see. Due to the mental health stigma many veterans will not seek help for fear of being labeled crazy by the military, society or their family. The mental health stigma in the military is engrained in veterans creating a huge barrier to overcome by both the family member and the veteran.

It is difficult for family members to understand why a veteran will not get help for their mental health issues. As a prior military member and veteran I understand why veterans do not seek mental health help. Family members should understand not getting help has little to do with them. The military culture has a negative view on warriors seeking mental health help. Veterans fear the loss of confidence in them from their peers and the possibilities of losing their careers if they seek psychological help.  This attitude can carry over once a military member becomes a veteran for good reason. Mental health stigma exists in the civilian culture as well, just not as prominent. Veterans worry about their civilian peers, employers, and family members seeing them as weak. This is where the families come in.

Veteran’s spouses and families are key to getting help for PTSD. If you want a veteran to get help for PTSD getting them to do it for their families can work. Often veterans will not do it for themselves but they will do it for someone they care about and love. I have had numerous veterans say they don’t need help but their wives threatened to leave them if they didn’t get the help they feel they don’t need. The help they didn’t need enhanced their relationships making most of them better spouses and citizens. By family members becoming educated on PTSD they can understand the why’s and how’s of PTSD. Education can give family members the power to have the conversation with their loved one. In return the education will help the family members help themselves, leading to a better relationship with their loved one. The efforts taken by family and friends can lead to getting back the happy life they deserve.

Being Married to PTSD or having a loved one with PTSD is a challenge. By becoming knowledgeable about PTSD and why someone reacts the way they do when triggered can help better your relationship. There is a lot of information about PTSD out there, especially the internet, some good some bad. The common theme I see is family members being told what to do about PTSD, but not how to do it. Become educated on how to handle situations, not what to do can help. Having the proper tools and knowing how to do what you are told to do make easier to be Married to PTSD and may save your relationship.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.