Veterans Must Tell Their Story

I often wear my Desert Storm hat in public because I am proud to be a veteran. I love for other veterans to come up to me and tell me their story, and all veterans have them. Some stories are funny, some are serious and others are downright bothersome. On occasion, a civilian will come up and thank me, but usually it is a veteran who thanks me for my service. I was not prepared for what happened last week at a local restaurant. A young man who appeared to be about 10 years old came up to me, shook my hand and thanked me for my service. He was followed by his younger sister who did the same. Their dad had a huge smile on his face and said, “I am trying to raise them right” I shook his hand, and thanked him. I assumed he was a veteran or in the military because of his haircut. He told me he was a law enforcement officer. I can honestly say I was impressed. Of all the people that have thanked me these children moved me the most. At times, we write off the newer generations but they usually come through.

Since the most recent wars started in 2001 the country has seen a significant increase in patriotism that most veterans did not expect. Before the most recent wars it was unusual to see a Vietnam veteran hat anywhere, now you constantly see them. I believe our society feels some guilt for the way we treated the Vietnam veterans, as they should. Between the Vietnam Veterans and societal guilt our veterans are getting the recognition they deserve. Some struggle with their time in service and feel it is too much recognition. Most of them don’t wear the hats or shirts, they set quietly in their corner because they are struggling or feel they are boasting if they bring attention to themselves. For the most part if they are wearing a hat or shirt stating they are a veteran it is ok to thank them because they are opening the conversation by wearing their military veteran clothing. But veterans are disappearing. A 2014 survey indicated there were 19.3 million military veterans, of which 9.4 million are over 65 years old and only 1.7 million are younger than 35. With the estimated suicide rate of 20 veterans a day committing suicide more than 69% of veteran suicides are among those age 50 years and older.

We also have the least number of veterans serving in congress in our nation’s history. In the house of representatives 90 of 435 seats are filled with veterans, in the senate 26 of the 100 seats are veterans. Less than 22% of those serving in congress are veterans. This number will more than likely continue to decline because of the amount of money it takes to run for a seat, most military veterans do not come from wealthy families with the money needed to run for the Senate or House. If the younger generations do not understand what veterans have done in the past they will be lacking information for the future, we need to let them know the sacrifices veterans have made. 

I challenge every veteran to spend more time telling their stories to children in their family. If you get the opportunity go to a school and volunteer to tell your story to a history class. We don’t need to get into the details, just discuss what you have done for your country and how you fought for the freedoms they have. The younger generation will be playing a part in who will be controlling the conversation in the future. As they age we need them to continue to fight for our promised benefits. They will be the ones who drive the discussion in the future concerning the Veterans Administration and will be setting the funding. If they do not know what has been sacrificed they might feel the need to stand by because they don’t understand. It is our job to help them understand. Since only 7 % of the population has ever served, only 1% have served since 2001 it is imperative that we tell the younger generation our stories. Keep our history alive to help prevent history from repeating itself. It’s also important for future VA funding. Please get involved in telling your story. The library of Congress has a program called the Veterans History Project. Please consider it and tell your story, veterans future might depend on it. If there are more children like the ones that approached me last week we stand a chance to get the benefits we have earned.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

PTSD an Ongoing Challenge for Veterans

Luis is a 100 % disabled Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF) veteran with 2 combat tours. He joined the Army when he was 18 years old. He was sent to Iraq during his second year in the Army and served his 4 years before separating. He missed the military family and comradery so he joined the Army National Guard looking for what he was missing. While in the National Guard he was sent for a second tour to Iraq. During his second tour, he was injured in a firefight and received a purple heart for his physical wounds and diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). After Luis healed from his physical wounds he was medically separated from the National Guard and attempted to return to his civilian life. Once Luis returned to his civilian life he discovered that his life had drastically changed. Luis avoided crowds, public areas, and even found a temper he or his family did not know he had. Luis struggled to return to work because of his PTSD and soon lost his job because of his PTSD symptoms, mainly his temper. Because of the loss of his job Luis was in a constant battle with his family because he had to move in with them. Luis is presently going to college using his post 9-11 benefits hoping to gain skills where his disability will not be a problem. He has been struggling to keep his life together while feeling inadequate because of the loss of his job and being a 27 years old living with his parents.  He keeps asking himself if he can ever escape the fear of violence of his nightmares. The answer is yes, but it will take a lot of work and the ability to be vulnerable. Luis is trying to better his life but he has a long road ahead.  

We can usually see the physical injuries of our troops, what we can’t see is the hidden wounds. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has always been around and is a growing concern. Those that experience combat have a 3 fold increase in being diagnosed with PTSD. Some believe it is a normal reaction to a horrific event, some say it is only a disorder for the purpose of medical insurance billing. Unfortunately, PTSD exist and those who suffer from it have to work through their issues such as anger, nightmares, hyper- vigilance, disengagement from life, and some even commit suicide. Post-Traumatic Stress is not limited to veterans. Rape victims, car accidents, natural disasters, gang violence, and mass shootings also can cause PTSD. Not everyone who has been injured or witnessed a horrific event will get PTSD, however we are all one car accident, violent incident, or natural disaster away from getting PTSD ourselves under the right circumstances.

It is estimated that 30 to 35% of OEF/OIF veterans are suffering from PTSD. That percentage is expected to increase. Studies have shown the more combat tours one has increases the chance of PTSD manifesting. Presently 2 in 10 soldiers on their first or second combat deployment showed signs of mental illness. That rate increases to 3 in 10 for those on a third or fourth deployment. Because of the short duration of Desert Storm only 12% of veterans suffer from PTSD and time will tell if that number increases. Vietnam veterans have shown that PTSD can create problems as time passes. It is expected that PTSD diagnosis will gradually grow as Desert Storm and OEF/OIF veterans grow older.

Presently 30% of Vietnam veterans have PTSD. Major life events such as retirement or death of a loved one often trigger personal reassessment and forgotten memories. With the average age of Vietnam Veterans being 67 an increase in PTSD diagnosis is expected. Vietnam veterans returned home to a harsh reception and limited mental health options, they did not seek help due to the stigma of their war and mental health. Recent veterans have opened up a new way to look at mental health as Vietnam veterans are starting to retire. Those that suppressed PTSD for 40+ years while delving into their work are now seeking help because they are home all day where family members see their pain and grief. Veterans are often able to hide many of their symptoms because they had been focused on their work. Now they are retiring and the genie is out of the bottle. This kind of delayed trauma isn’t unusual for those that understand PTSD and how it manifests itself.

Present day Desert Storm and OEF / OIF veterans owe a gratitude to the Vietnam era veterans. A direct correlation can be drawn from the work Vietnam Veterans did in the 1970’s to a push for a PTSD diagnosis. Vietnam Veterans are the reason the VA has been focused on the PTSD issue. Thanks to the Vietnam veterans the hundreds of thousands of veterans that are having flashbacks, nightmares, and other debilitating mental health issues are getting the help they need. History is showing that PTSD diagnosis will increase as time goes on as veterans continue to retire. This is evidenced by the influx of Vietnam era veterans seeking help for PTSD. Keep track of the veterans you love and get them the help they need and deserve.   

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro. 

Veterans Spouses Need to Tell Their Stories

So often the spouses of veterans struggle to keep their lives together because of problems their veteran faces. These spouses deal with their veterans needs with little to no fanfare or appreciation. These spouses forgo their needs to tend to the needs of the veteran. Anyone who has been in the military understands that they are different. Those who live with veterans know that veterans have quirks others don’t have. No one who goes in the military comes out the same. These differences carry forward with the veteran after their service is completed and passes down to the families which can be a good or bad depending on the situation.

Living with veterans daily can be difficult, veterans can be stubborn. A veteran's needs can be different from civilians. Whether it's being on time, awareness of their surroundings, and being aware of where they are sitting in a restaurant can become a problem. Veterans do not like to sit with their back to the door so they can be aware of their surroundings. This can appear odd if you don’t know why they insist on sitting with their backs to the wall. Sitting in the middle of a crowded room is uncomfortable for veterans, they feel too vulnerable.

Some spouses are dealing with veterans who have mental and physical disabilities that become a part of their lives. These disabilities can lead to a hard and frustrating life for the whole family. Some spouses struggle to make tough decisions concerning the commitment to their relationships. For so many spouses it would be easier to walk away and not have to deal with the issues the military brought into their lives. Many veteran spouses stay in their relationships to their detriment because of loyalty, love, and living out the “for better or worse commitment” they made when they married.

Spouses who live with a veteran who has a physical disability struggle as they both age. Often the physical disabilities create a problem for the spouse because of their inability to physically do what is needed concerning the physical ailments of the veteran. The mental health aspect of veterans can linger for years and be torturous for a life time for spouses. Seeing your loved one struggle with mental health issues and not having the ability to help causes its own stress and frustration. Spouses struggle to understand why their loved ones are acting the way they do because of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), or a multitude of other mental health issues brought on by military service. Some spouses must deal with both the physical and mental aspects of their veteran’s issues, when spouses reach out for help, usually to the VA, they hit a huge frustrating bureaucracy.   

Dealing with the VA is one of the most frustrating things any veteran or their spouse can deal with. I would say dealing with the VA is more frustrating for spouses because they don't have a lot of say on how their veteran is treated. Often regulations set by congress limit the amount of help the VA can give spouses. When it comes to mental health issues, especially PTSD, a spouse has little say in treatment. If a spouse of a veteran with PTSD goes to the VA and says, “you diagnosed my husband with PTSD and I need help, can you help me?”, the VA will tell them “no” unless the veteran is receiving treatment for PTSD themselves. It is well known veterans won't seek treatment because of the stigma and the perception the VA will just throw drugs at them and not deal with their issues. By the veteran not getting help with their PTSD it places their spouse in a tough situation. So often spouses feel they can’t stay in the relationship for their own sanity and they can’t go because they love and are committed to their relationship. What society needs to know is these spouses are taking on their burden by tending to these disabled veterans at no cost to society and a huge cost to their physical and mental wellbeing. Funding to provide spouses help for caring of disabled veterans should be a cost of war. That's why spouses need to speak up and tell their stories so they can get the help they deserve.

Spouses are the unseen heroes of the veteran community. Veterans spouses save the federal government billions of dollars by providing services that the VA and society should be paying for. Our society expects these spouses to be the good soldier and keep doing what they're doing even if it is hindrance to their health. These spouses need to start telling their stories so society can see what they're giving to the country. Without their voice, they’re taken for granted by society, the VA, and family members. I encourage spouses to speak up and tell their stories so they can get their just due and be labeled the heroes that they are.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com for tips on how to navigate the VA system and make your VA experience healthier and less frustrating. Like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

For local mental health counseling for spouses you can call

Victor Community Support Services

(Military Family Program)

222 East Main St

Barstow, Ca. 92311

(760) 255-1496

 www.victor.org

Christian Counseling Services (CCS)

(Military Family Program)

205 E. State Street

Redlands, CA 92373

909-793-1078

www.ccs-cares.org

Families Need to Become Educated About PTSD

I went to a veteran’s event last weekend and sat up a booth trying to promote the free mental health services for veterans and their families. Very few people stop because I am promoting mental health. Countless events I set for hours while people just walk by with no one stopping to talk, a few pick up flyers and keep walking. As I try to engage people I can see their discomfort because no one wants to be seen talking to someone promoting mental health. When I walk away from my booth I am approached by veterans and family members seeking counseling without counseling. Often these conversations are spouses of veterans wanting to know what they can do to get their veteran into counseling or ask questions about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I am always willing to help but these conversations are too complex for a 5-minute sidebar chat in an open area. If answering questions with a sidebar talk could fix the issues or increase understanding of PTSD there wouldn’t be a need for PTSD treatments. As a mental health professional we are successful when we work ourselves out of a job, we all wish the issues concerning PTSD could be solved with a 5- minute discussion, it’s just not that easy.     

It is a well-known fact that a large stigma exists within the military ranks about mental health. Veterans are taught to suck it up and deal with it. Military members are unrealistically expected by society and family members to come home from war and act as if nothing ever happened. In many cases military members see things no human should ever have to see and do things against our moral code. Military members and their families are stuck dealing with the aftermath of necessary wartime actions. The suck it up and deal with it attitude might help in theatre but is not helpful once they arrive home. Military members are asked to give up their family life and families are asked to bear the burden of war. Veterans return from war to a family and society that does not understand the horrors that many of them see. Due to the mental health stigma many veterans will not seek help for fear of being labeled crazy by the military, society or their family. The mental health stigma in the military is engrained in veterans creating a huge barrier to overcome by both the family member and the veteran.

It is difficult for family members to understand why a veteran will not get help for their mental health issues. As a prior military member and veteran I understand why veterans do not seek mental health help. Family members should understand not getting help has little to do with them. The military culture has a negative view on warriors seeking mental health help. Veterans fear the loss of confidence in them from their peers and the possibilities of losing their careers if they seek psychological help.  This attitude can carry over once a military member becomes a veteran for good reason. Mental health stigma exists in the civilian culture as well, just not as prominent. Veterans worry about their civilian peers, employers, and family members seeing them as weak. This is where the families come in.

Veteran’s spouses and families are key to getting help for PTSD. If you want a veteran to get help for PTSD getting them to do it for their families can work. Often veterans will not do it for themselves but they will do it for someone they care about and love. I have had numerous veterans say they don’t need help but their wives threatened to leave them if they didn’t get the help they feel they don’t need. The help they didn’t need enhanced their relationships making most of them better spouses and citizens. By family members becoming educated on PTSD they can understand the why’s and how’s of PTSD. Education can give family members the power to have the conversation with their loved one. In return the education will help the family members help themselves, leading to a better relationship with their loved one. The efforts taken by family and friends can lead to getting back the happy life they deserve.

Being Married to PTSD or having a loved one with PTSD is a challenge. By becoming knowledgeable about PTSD and why someone reacts the way they do when triggered can help better your relationship. There is a lot of information about PTSD out there, especially the internet, some good some bad. The common theme I see is family members being told what to do about PTSD, but not how to do it. Become educated on how to handle situations, not what to do can help. Having the proper tools and knowing how to do what you are told to do make easier to be Married to PTSD and may save your relationship.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Suicide: Not Just for Veterans Anymore

I was approached by one of my students who had received some bad, her friend Emma had committed suicide the day of class. My student, Jan was in the US Army and had become close to Emma because she used to keep her kids while Jan was working. Jan had just talked to Emma 2 days prior and said there was no indication of her thinking about committing suicide. Jan was aware that Emma’s husband Michael had developed PTSD after 2 combat tours, that created an added pressure on their relationship but Jan thought it would blow over. Jan acknowledged that Emma had helped her raise her kids and was like a second mother to them and she worried how Emma’s death would affect her children. Like most military families separated from their biological family Emma was a part of Jan’s military family. Jan had heard about the suicide from another friend through their extensive network. Jan kept trying to call Michael to find what was going on. After multiple calls and panicked messages Michael finally picked the phone up and talked to her. Michael had come home with their 7-year-old daughter and found Emma hanging in the hallway. Jan was concerned about Emma and Michael’s 7-year-old daughter, she was also concerned about what she was going to tell her own children who knew Emma well. We discussed how she could have a conversation about Emma’s death with her own children. Unfortunately, Jan and Emma’s situation is not abnormal. Many military and veteran’s spouses commit suicide because of having to live with the effects of PTSD on their family.    

After multiple deployments, spouses living with someone having PTSD must hold the family together. Studies have shown spouses of active duty and military veterans have a higher rate of suicidal thoughts than their civilian counterparts, especially those who are caregivers and support of the wounded veteran. This is not the first generation of military families to deal with deployments, however, there is no precedence for studying multiple deployments and its effects on families. With the military and Veterans Administration’s (VA) limitations on helping spouses, there’s little help for family members dealing with a loved one having PTSD. The clinicians who work for the military and VA are up to their necks dealing with the active duty and veterans themselves, they must place their emphasis on those in uniform or veterans. They have little if no time for spouses.

There are a lot of military families who do not know anything but wartime, so living in wartime is their normal. It’s not just the spouses of active duty or veterans who suffer from the effects of PTSD, their children struggle also. Recent research has also shown that military connected adolescents also have a higher rate of suicidal thoughts than the civilian counterparts. Being an adolescent is tough, but it is even tougher on those living with someone who has PTSD.  

There are subtle differences between active duty, spouses, and family members living with PTSD. One of the biggest differences is active duty family members fear seeking help, for fear it will hurt their spouse’s careers. Spouses struggle with the stigma associated with mental health just like their veteran loved one. In military and veteran culture seeking mental health help is a sign of weakness so they do not ask any help. Also, families who are still active duty continually struggle with deployments and continually wait for the next time their spouse or parent will deploy to a warzone again.

When our society discuss suicide in our veteran community, we don’t discuss the effects of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) on someone who is married to PTSD like Emma was. Our society is so focused on the 1 active duty and 20 Veteran who commit suicide every day. We don’t pay attention to the spouses and family members who commit suicide because of the issues brought on by living with someone who has PTSD. There must be something done about the family members suicides. The spouses and family members who are thinking about or have committed suicide deserve to be looked at as a cost of war, just like their military / veteran spouses. So often the spouses and family members turn to the government for help with little to no success. They are forced to turn to clinicians in the private sector because of the lack of help by the government who caused their problem. But so often family members believe these clinicians are ill-prepared to hear or understand what is happening in their military and veteran families. There are civilian military veterans and family members who are clinicians, just look for them. Also, many civilian clinicians understand and treat PTSD families daily, give them a chance to help you.

Presently there is no indication that the Department of Defense (DOD) or the VA is tracking the number of military family members who commit suicide. There is also no indication the DOD or VA will start serving family members. That leaves us to look after each other. Also, it is important for family members who are struggling to seek help from the civilian’s if they need help, you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. September is suicide awareness month. Remember don’t be scared to ask a loved one or a friend if they are thinking about suicide. You might just save their life! 

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Nature Can Help With PTSD

Kevin came to me one day and asked, what I can do to help me deal with my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The answer I gave him might come as a surprise to some, but not those who work with PTSD clients. I like to tell people outside sports is a great outlet for a lot of folks with PTSD. Outside activity is good for the psyche, especially hiking, camping, or fishing. The idea is to be in the moment and not be in your head where the flashbacks live. When you are outside you focus on the here and now, not the past. I believe sports like basketball, football, soccer, or baseball are not as good because the competition can be a trigger and frustrating. Also, there tend to be a crowd at these events where nature activities can be done with limited crowds.

Hiking can be a great way to deal with PTSD. Going for a walk in the woods can be very therapeutic for most people. Hiking can be done alone, with family, or with a group of trusted friends. Any way you look at it, hiking can keep you in the here and now which is helpful when combating PTSD. Understanding that you are in a safe place can be comforting and helpful. Being in the woods can be relaxing and give someone with PTSD the quiet time they need to slow their brains down and combat their hypervilligance. Like hiking camping can be good too.

Camping is good for PTSD because you can get away from the crowds and have some quality time with your family, friends, or alone. Camping gets you into a comfort zone and connect you with nature, helping you feel safe and secure. Camping is peaceful and quiet especially if you combine hiking into a remote area to camp. When I lived in Alaska there were thousands of veterans who lived in the “bush” for the peace and quiet, they hiked into the wilderness, built a cabin back in the woods where they could be left alone. I am not advocating someone go into the wilderness and be alone, I am advocating that it is healthy from time to time to get out of your head and reconnect with the solitude of nature, especially if it involves fishing.

Fishing is one of the best things for PTSD, especially fly fishing. The quiet and serenity of fly-fishing is one of the most therapeutic things someone with PTSD can do. The cadence and the rhythm of casting the fly, reading the streams, matching the hatch, all place the individual in a trance like state if done correctly. Fly-fishing is proven throughout the years to be successful in helping veterans work through their PTSD. There are several groups dedicated to teaching veterans how to fly fish. During the time they are fly-fishing veterans are in the moment, not worried about the problems or troubles, they are focused on what they’re doing.

If fly-fishing isn’t your thing, bass and trout fishing may be the answer. I’m not talking about throwing the worm out and just sitting on the bank, and drinking beer. I am talking about what a friend calls “fish hunting”. Fish hunting is the art of trying to find the pattern fish are on for that day. Fish move around a lake or river based on temperature, sunlight, weather fronts, water flow and oxygen levels. Finding where the fish are located is a challenge, making them bite is another one. During certain times of the year and certain times of the day fish move around the lake or river and develop a pattern. Trying to figure out that pattern puts someone with PTSD in a focused state and not thinking about their triggers. Reading the bank contour and structure of the lake keeps someone with PTSD in the moment. Fishing is how I get my sanity, and I know it works for other people too, especially those with PTSD. Like so many other people I use fishing as an escape to get away from all the hassles of normal day-to-day life.

I know they’ll be people out there especially spouses who think I am crazy for saying hiking, camping, and fishing can help with PTSD, but it has been proven time and time again. Being in the moment and not worried about all the outside influences that trigger a person with PTSD is good. I told Kevin that he needed to investigate getting out of the house and getting into nature to help him deal with his PTSD. I encourage anyone who has PTSD, or any anxiety disorder to take the time and go into nature and relax. Being in the moment and not worried about the triggers of everyday life is very therapeutic.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

For more information about learning how to fly fish contact

Project Healing Waters

www.projecthealingwaters.org

760-780-7216

jim.owner@projecthealingwaters.org

Military Veterans Can be Hard on Families

I am often approached by people who believe their childhood was made harder than it had to be because of their parent’s military service. Many veteran’s children have the same story. They often express how their parents were stricter than their friends. These children discussed how their parent’s placed military grade, extremely high expectations on them, causing them stressed and anxiousness that is a part of their lives that followed them into adulthood. For some veteran’s children who lived with a parent having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety, stress, and fear also follow the children into adulthood.

Wendy was one of those children. Wendy was a 30-year-old student who attended my psychology class while going to nursing school. She approached me after a class lecture on PTSD and disclosed her parents were in the Army before she was born. Wendy described how she struggled to live with her father’s PTSD causing drama and turmoil in her family and the military standards placed on her as a child. Wendy now shows signs of struggling with anxiety because of her father’s PTSD while growing up, which is more common than we like to believe.

Living with someone who has PTSD is difficult, especially for a child. Someone who has PTSD operates at a higher threat level than others and is constantly on high alert. Operating at a higher threat level causes stress, anxiety, and can cause PTSD in family members. Most people with PTSD don’t even realize the effects they leave on their family. The symptoms of PTSD can be passed down for generations. I have seen instances where PTSD symptoms from a Word War II veteran was passed down to their child, who passed the symptoms down to their children and so on.  Over generations PTSD can become a systemic issue in many families. It can become a major problem that is overlooked by families because they don’t know where the symptoms started or came from. Even though PTSD might not be in a veteran’s home, living with a military veteran can be difficult even without PTSD symptoms.

Those who have served in the military know how controlling the military can be. Some parents carry the controlling lifestyle from the military into their families even after they get out. One of the issues many children of veteran’s face is the demands place on them by their demanding parents. All the rules and discipline in a military veteran’s home stick with the children as they grow and have their own families. The rules and methods of military discipline are passed down from generation to generation as children of veterans have their own children. This type of discipline often bringing anxiety due to strict rules and military expectations that flow from generation to generation. Rules and discipline are not bad, it becomes a problem when they are taken to extremes as in Wendy’s case.

Wendy discussed how her anxiety gets in the way of her success. Wendy felt she could not do anything right because of the scrutiny she faced as a child due to their “boot camp” upbringing and her father’s PTSD. Wendy has issues taking risks for fear of failure. In Wendy’s home failure was not an option. I spent time explaining to Wendy how her father’s military service and PTSD could have affected her and caused her anxiety. Wendy is a proud woman because of her upbringing and chooses not to get counseling because of the stigma. Like I always hear from people like Wendy “I’m not crazy” is the excuse for not getting help. The mental health stigma bothers me because so many people can live a better life if they just choose to ask for help. If you are a child of a veteran like Wendy, and you have anxiety, depression, trust issues, or PTSD you can be helped. The first thing you need to realize is you’re not crazy, and your struggles are not your fault. Understanding where the struggles came from and getting help is what it takes to get the life you have earned and deserve. Just remember you are not broken or alone, there are a lot of people like you. Step outside of your comfort zone and have the life you deserve, get a counselor.     

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Reintegration Can Be Harder Than Serving

One of the biggest things veterans deal with is re-integration when they get out, military and civilian culture are very different. While serving, active duty members have a lot of rules that don’t exist in the civilian world. Weather someone serves 4 or 30 years, many veterans look forward to getting out until they do, then they remember why we went in. Depending on rank, time in service, or disability it can be harder for some veterans than others to re-integrate back to civilian status. Jason is one of those veterans who has been struggling to re-integrate and become a civilian again.

Jason went in the Army when he was 18 years old and served in Afghanistan at a Forward Operating Bases (FOB). At the FOB Jason would spend a month at a time having to be hypervigilant and taking fire from the enemy. Jason was used to the adrenaline while at the FOB and struggles to get the adrenaline fix he needed when he got out.

While in the military troops are used to being told what to do, in the civilian sector their expected to know what to do by so many employers. Once Jason got out of the Army he struggled to find a job and a purpose. He struggles to answer one on one questions during individual interviews and don’t stand out during group interviews. In the military it is looked down on by superiors to “blow your own horn” which is what is expected from civilians during both individual and group job interviews.      

In the military younger troops like Jason are told what to do, and in the civilian sector they are expected to tell the interviewers what they would do in certain situations. This is where a veteran can struggle. Many younger veterans are not used to making business decisions and it can show at job interviews, especially if the interviewer has no understanding of the military. Younger veterans are used to being told to shut up and color, and not stand out. They struggle to show their personality during a civilian job interview, often limiting their success because of their military service. Even if the veteran is successful at finding a job, they can struggle because they do not know where the line is and what they can and can’t do when placed in questionable situations.     

In the military, you know your place and where the line is, you have been told or it’s in the regulations. As a civilian, the line can move depending on the situation and who you are. This is not only a problem for the younger troops, it’s a problem for the older veterans too when they get out. So often in the civilian sector the only guidelines you have is the job description, state, and federal regulations, which can be vague at best. In the military, you know what the rules are, and you can find them in the regulations when needed. In the civilian world the rules change depending on who you are, most employees know who the bosses favorite is and must adjust, often nepotism plays a part when it comes to different rules for different people. This can lead to veterans questioning who they can trust, who they can count on, and who’s got their back.

The one thing veterans know, when it comes down to it, people in their unit or others in the military have their back. Even if you have had issues with someone in your unit, when there is a life or death situation they will be there. That is a comforting feeling for anyone, but in the civilian world veterans don’t know who they can or can’t trust and who has their back.

I have seen some military veterans struggle for years, and Jason is no different. Jason has been out of the military for 10 years and has held multiple unfulfilling jobs. He has decided to come to college and try to get a degree to help him get a better job. Jason struggles because he felt successful while in the Army and feels like a failure since he has gotten out. He has had to take menial just jobs to get by. Many veterans feel they had a purpose while in the military, but lost their purpose when they got out. Some veterans struggle during job interviews limiting their ability to get good jobs, they don’t know where the line is, and don’t know who they can trust. Some veterans feel they should have stayed in the military because they did not struggle. It is saddening that a veteran feels they need to go back into a profession where they risk their life to have a purpose.  It is unfortunate that society struggles to utilize veteran’s strengths and give them the purpose they need to be successful as a civilian.  

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.