Veterans Need to Look Out For Each Other

I never really knew that there was ever a rift between World War II, Korean, and Vietnam Veterans, but it appears there was. I am unsure if it still exists, I just know the harm it did to some Vietnam veterans who tried to get help once they returned home. I recently found out how bad it has been for some Vietnam era veterans, especially the treatment by other veterans in some cases. After meeting a couple of Vietnam veterans, they disclosed the way they were treated at group therapy sessions by WWII and Korean war Veterans years ago. The WWII & Korean war veterans felt the Vietnam War was not a war and did not accept the Vietnam veterans into their groups.

These WWII & Korean war veterans told Jimmy, a Vietnam veteran with a purple heart, that he did not earn the right to be in their group sessions because he was not in a war. Jimmy left the group therapy session and never set foot in another VA for some 40 years. I could not believe what I was hearing, the gist of the story was verified by another Vietnam veteran. What I find troublesome was some of these same Vietnam veterans who were treated badly by the WWII & Korean war veterans did the same thing to female combat veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan. They said women did not belong in their combat group because women were not in combat, maybe not in their day, but they are now. Why are we doing that to each other, we need to band together? There are differences in generations of veterans with different rules and guidelines, but we all had the same goal, protect our country and defend the Constitution of the United States.

I understand there were differences in the service time between WWII, Korea, and Vietnam, their might be some animosity because of the way the military changed the deployment rules. In any case these actions were the decision of someone else, not the veteran. In WWII the soldiers were deployed for years in some cases, where in Vietnam they were in theatre for a year unless they volunteered for another tour, Vietnam veterans had a return date. Jimmy thought he would get respect from other veterans and not be treated with contempt like the civilian population had done, but he didn’t, Jimmy was treated disrespectfully by people he thought would understand. Because of the way Jimmy was treated he did not deal with the VA for over 40 years. He has no disability for his PTSD or Agent Orange issues because of his treatment. Until recently Jimmy never filed a claim and did not talk of the incident. He did not join any Veteran Service Organizations (VSO’s) like the American Legion, Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW), Disabled American Veterans (DAV), American Veterans (AMVETS) because of the way other veterans treated him as a young man returning from war, he does not trust veterans. The way this happened can’t happen in the future for the sake of all veterans, all veterans deserve to be treated better.

The newer veterans need to step up and start doing their part for the future of our veteran population. With the least amount of congressional representation in our nation’s history veterans need to support those who lobby for veteran’s benefits. Veterans need to be involved in veteran’s service organizations like the VFW, American Legion, DAV, AMVETS, and the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (IAVA). These groups fight for the rights of veterans. Younger veterans need to step up and help secure the future of veteran’s issues and the VA. Getting involved with a veteran’s service organization is a way to give back to the veteran community.

I am hoping to help Jimmy look at things differently. Veterans need to stop comparing their wars to others, comparing decreases the value of people and only serves to inflate the ego of the one who is doing the comparing. Veterans need to support and become a part of their VSO’s to make a difference. And if you have tough skin, run for congress. Either way look out for our fellow veterans by using your talents to make veterans issues a priority.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

PTSD Can Look Like Other Disorders

I was working with George the other day and he brought up an issue he has been working through. Since George is pushing 80 years old and struggles with anger issues, it was suggested by his family he get help for his anger. George claims to have a horrible temper, and it is backed up by his wife. George’s aggression appears to be consistent and long lasting. The VA had diagnosed George with Bi-polar disorder 20 years ago. Since George was diagnosed some 20 years ago with bi-polar I started to look at the diagnosis, asked some questions and found George does not have bi-polar disorder, he has PTSD.

Since I specialize in PTSD I look for certain telltale signs. After talking to George, I noticed the PTSD right away. I wondered how any clinician, especially one at the VA could miss the PTSD signs, they were glaring. George has most PTSD symptoms, not liking crowds, hypervilligance, anger, nightmares, flashbacks, history of drug use, and multiple other PTSD signs. George was wounded in combat, and lost friends. He has had several brushes with death throughout the years, usually caused by his PTSD thrill seeking and drug use, but now he is too old to go out seeking danger to get his adrenaline up, he is 10 years clean from drug use and finally has a decent relationship. Georges thrill seeking now involves getting in arguments with others, displaying aggression, even with his family, to get his adrenaline up. I thought to myself, how could a clinician miss this. The answer was in the PTSD itself.

What George failed to mention to his previous therapist is his drug use. George started using drugs to self-medicate to handle his PTSD while in Vietnam. The drugs would send George into what looked like a state of mania to the clinician. Once the mania was gone George would slip into a depression, the therapist was seeing the two major signs of bi-polar, mania and depression. The cycle continued for years, solidifying their diagnosis. When given this information it is easy to see how a therapist could mistake PTSD for bi-polar.

Clinicians often get criticized for mis-diagnosing clients. George did not give his VA clinician all the facts. The shame and guilt of using illicit drugs prevented him from getting a proper diagnosis. Since the therapist was at the VA George also feared losing his benefits because he was a drug addict. This train of thought is common amongst veterans, and even the public.

People who have drug problems are looked down on, even if they are self-medicating for their PTSD. George did not realize what he was doing, he was in survival mode trying to manage his PTSD by using drugs, making things worse.

When seeing a therapist, it is imperative that you tell them everything that is going on. The therapist should not judge you for your actions, if they do you need to find a new therapist. Therapist are trained not to judge and must maintain confidentiality, even if you broke the law and used illicit drugs. George did not give his clinician all the pieces of the puzzle 20 years ago.

If he had he might not be trying to get VA compensation for his PTSD at 78 years old. He might have had his disability pension 20 years ago.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Managing PTSD is a Lifelong Process

I am starting to see an uptick in Vietnam veterans seeking help for their mental health issues. Many of them have been suffering from PTSD for most of their lives, some their whole life.

I was working with John a 74 years old Vietnam Combat veteran who was struggling with his temper as he’s gotten older. John’s temper had started to scare his family, they suggested he get help. John had been dealing with his PTSD since childhood, and the Army exacerbated the symptoms. John has made it 74 years without getting in trouble for his temper because he found ways to work through the frustration and temper. John came to see me in hopes of finding another way to control his temper because his physical disabilities prevent him from doing what had worked in the past.

John set his life up, so he could work through his hypervilligance. He worked a job as a heavy equipment operator which allowed him to have a safe comfort zone. No one could approach John without him knowing, this helped limit some of the triggers. John also stayed busy by having multiple jobs and owning several businesses throughout his 74 years, leaving him little time to think about his PTSD. Being a business owner allowed John to control his environment, he could hire people to do the tasks he struggles with due to his PTSD. John showed another major sign of PTSD, taking risks. Having his own business was not a risk but using his life savings to start it was. John’s risks were evident away from work too. John rode motorcycles, dirt bikes, and talked about how he would drive crazy as a young man. He hiked for miles in steep, rough terrain, he gambled, picked fights, and had affairs. If John had taken just one of these risks it could be thought of as having a momentary lapse in judgement, but John took multiple risks for multiple years, he was always doing something risky.

As time went on John got smarter, he started doing taekwondo for the excitement of fighting to get his adrenaline up. It worked for years until his body gave up and he was unable to do what he needed to maintain the excitement. He started shooting weapons for a while until his eyesight started to go and his shoulder started to give him problems. Over the years John has found other ways to get his adrenaline up, but that recently came to an end due to his health. John can’t do the physical things he used to do to let out his frustration. His temper has flared up and he has lost his way to physically work through the issue. John’s temper has started to scare people, especially his family. He gets aggravated at the littlest things, sometimes for no reason at all. He is quick to pick fights with family members, even his wife, children and grandchildren. John’s short temper has created issues away from his family also, he rails against people for doing things he doesn’t like, causing altercations in public. Picking fights helps John get his adrenaline up to deal with his PTSD, it can be a dangerous coping skill.

As you can see from John’s story he has found a way of working through his PTSD throughout his life. He has changed his tactic’s as the ones have stop working or couldn’t do them anymore. John did not see any of these issues as a problem until recently when it was suggested by his family he get help for his anger. After working through his recent anger issues, John has learned to control his anger.

It makes me wonder what is going to happen to our newest combat veterans, are they going to be like John? If you spot some of these signs in veterans, get them to help while they are still young. The risky behavior can be dangerous, don’t do what John did and wait until he was 74 years old and scaring his family before getting help.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

To find a therapist visit Psychology Today, put in your zip code, and a list of certified therapist will be presented.

Military Brats, The Undervalued Patriots

I have been working with a 15-year-old military brat named Casandra for almost a year now. It is interesting to see how different she is than most kids her age. She is a Navy brat who has lived all over the world before her dad retired. Casandra struggles fitting in at school because she is seen as an outsider. She has different life experiences than most children her age and struggles with other children who don’t have the discipline she has to follow the rules. This often gets her in trouble with the other kids because they don’t like being challenged for their negative behavior. Military brats have lived their lives moving around the world, going to different schools, moving during the school year, and having to constantly make new friends. I know military brats that went to nine schools in 12 years, that would be hard on any kid even without the other issues of being a military brat.

Because the Department of Defense cannot give a solid number of military brats in the United States. There is an estimated 15 million Americans who are or were military brats. These “Brats”as we call them are a large sub-culture of the United States. In today’s politically correct world civilians scoff at calling them brats, but most military brats are proud to be a “brat”. Growing up a “brat” can be tough. Many lived in a disciplined military household where their parents had lofty expectations for them. Discipline was demanded, especially those of career military because their parents had to answer for their brat’s behavior. Many “Brats” carry that discipline into their civilian lives and onto their children. Military brats have been studied by social psychologist, but little long-term research has been done on the sub-culture.

There are both pro’s and con’s when it comes to growing up a military brat. Let’s start with the positive. To start off with, military brats make friends easy and adjust quickly to challenging situations. Change is their normal, not their exception. Brats are known to have very resilient personalities, exceptional social skills, and are more likely to be proficient in foreign languages. Brats can adapt to their situation because they have had to. Schools on, or near Military bases are more accepting of the new kid for the most part because the other kids have been there. Brats are known to be more accepting to differences in their peers, have little issues with race and ethnicity, and are generally more open with their thoughts. Military brats are also more susceptible to work in a helping and community serving profession’s such as the military, teaching, counseling, police, nursing and foreign service work.

Even though being a brat has pro’s, there are also some con’s. Many brats can have one or both of their parents gone for extended periods of time, they change schools constantly, and must leave friends behind and make now ones. Studies show some former military brats struggle to develop and maintain deep, lasting relationships. Brats can feel like outsiders in U.S. civilian culture. The lifestyle of consistently moving can prevent brats from getting close to friends, brats often limit their relationship out of self-preservation.

The stress of having a parent deployed to a war zone can have long lasting effects on a brat’s psyche. When parents return from war, a different parent comes home. That stress can have everlasting effects on the brats, a drastic change in a parent due to a combat related disability is stressful and change the dynamic of the family dramatically. To brats of deployed personnel, the reality of losing a parent can be a real fear. This fear can be increased if they have a friend who has lost a parent or had a parent who was injured. Some military brats may exhibit symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, and Separation Anxiety Disorder due to their parents military service.

Military brats don’t get the credit they deserve. They have served their country, some of them giving more than some people have ever given to our country. Casandra is struggling to fit in, she has moved so much she fears making close friends because they might leave her, or she will leave them. She also struggles staying in one place, every two years she gets antsy and wants to move. Staying in one place is not her normal. On top of her issues with making friends, Casandra’s father has PTSD and I fear it is rubbing off on her. She is a smart young lady who gets strait “A’s” and has a bright future. I am glad she is seeing me now to deal with the issues of being a brat before she grows up. If you know a “brat” give them credit, they have sacrificed for our country too.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Nature Can Help With PTSD

Kevin came to me one day and asked, what I can do to help me deal with my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The answer I gave him might come as a surprise to some, but not those who work with PTSD clients. I like to tell people outside sports is a great outlet for a lot of folks with PTSD. Outside activity is good for the psyche, especially hiking, camping, or fishing. The idea is to be in the moment and not be in your head where the flashbacks live. When you are outside you focus on the here and now, not the past. I believe sports like basketball, football, soccer, or baseball are not as good because the competition can be a trigger and frustrating. Also, there tend to be a crowd at these events where nature activities can be done with limited crowds.

Hiking can be a great way to deal with PTSD. Going for a walk in the woods can be very therapeutic for most people. Hiking can be done alone, with family, or with a group of trusted friends. Any way you look at it, hiking can keep you in the here and now which is helpful when combating PTSD. Understanding that you are in a safe place can be comforting and helpful. Being in the woods can be relaxing and give someone with PTSD the quiet time they need to slow their brains down and combat their hypervilligance. Like hiking camping can be good too.

Camping is good for PTSD because you can get away from the crowds and have some quality time with your family, friends, or alone. Camping gets you into a comfort zone and connect you with nature, helping you feel safe and secure. Camping is peaceful and quiet especially if you combine hiking into a remote area to camp. When I lived in Alaska there were thousands of veterans who lived in the “bush” for the peace and quiet, they hiked into the wilderness, built a cabin back in the woods where they could be left alone. I am not advocating someone go into the wilderness and be alone, I am advocating that it is healthy from time to time to get out of your head and reconnect with the solitude of nature, especially if it involves fishing.

Fishing is one of the best things for PTSD, especially fly fishing. The quiet and serenity of fly-fishing is one of the most therapeutic things someone with PTSD can do. The cadence and the rhythm of casting the fly, reading the streams, matching the hatch, all place the individual in a trance like state if done correctly. Fly-fishing is proven throughout the years to be successful in helping veterans work through their PTSD. There are several groups dedicated to teaching veterans how to fly fish. During the time they are fly-fishing veterans are in the moment, not worried about the problems or troubles, they are focused on what they’re doing.

If fly-fishing isn’t your thing, bass and trout fishing may be the answer. I’m not talking about throwing the worm out and just sitting on the bank, and drinking beer. I am talking about what a friend calls “fish hunting”. Fish hunting is the art of trying to find the pattern fish are on for that day. Fish move around a lake or river based on temperature, sunlight, weather fronts, water flow and oxygen levels. Finding where the fish are located is a challenge, making them bite is another one. During certain times of the year and certain times of the day fish move around the lake or river and develop a pattern. Trying to figure out that pattern puts someone with PTSD in a focused state and not thinking about their triggers. Reading the bank contour and structure of the lake keeps someone with PTSD in the moment. Fishing is how I get my sanity, and I know it works for other people too, especially those with PTSD. Like so many other people I use fishing as an escape to get away from all the hassles of normal day-to-day life.

I know they’ll be people out there especially spouses who think I am crazy for saying hiking, camping, and fishing can help with PTSD, but it has been proven time and time again. Being in the moment and not worried about all the outside influences that trigger a person with PTSD is good. I told Kevin that he needed to investigate getting out of the house and getting into nature to help him deal with his PTSD. I encourage anyone who has PTSD, or any anxiety disorder to take the time and go into nature and relax. Being in the moment and not worried about the triggers of everyday life is very therapeutic.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

For more information about learning how to fly fish contact

Project Healing Waters

www.projecthealingwaters.org

760-780-7216

jim.owner@projecthealingwaters.org

Non-Citizen Veterans

Doing my job as a college professor and a mental health clinician, I meet veterans who must deal with a lot of stressful situations. One situation I struggle with is why non-citizen, honorably discharged military veterans don’t automatically get US citizenship. Franco is one of those cases. Franco is a good, hard working guy who everyone treats with respect; those who know him understand his situation, and those who don’t know him would never know what he is dealing with. Franco served eight years as a corpsman in the Navy and had two tours in Iraq, both attached to Marine units. Franco saw heavy combat and plenty of carnage during his tours. His two tours have affected him the way they affect many of our soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines. Franco saved many lives and patched up many Marines. All of us who know him love to pick on him because he was in the Navy and tries to act like a Marine. Even though he was diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), he has not gotten a service-connected disability rating yet. While struggling with his PTSD and battling the Veterans Affairs (VA), he is also struggling to become a US citizen.

Franco is legal in the US and has a green card. He has been in the United States since he was four years old but struggles with the process of getting his US citizenship for fear of being deported like other non-citizen military veterans. This young man has fought for this country and should have a direct line to citizenship. He is not alone; there are many soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines who are not American citizens. I feel this is a slap in the face to those who have served alongside Franco and is an archaic rule. This should be a no-brainer; Franco has earned his citizenship. Our government should fast-track military members and veterans to citizenship who are not US citizens. Where serving in the US armed forces has recently been made available for illegal aliens, we still have plenty of veterans who are here legally but still aren't citizens. I have asked Franco a couple of times about starting the citizenship process. He tells me he keeps looking into it but doesn't quite feel safe letting the government know about his situation. Franco has seen cases where non-citizen military veterans have been deported back to their "home country" because of their situation, situations like Franco’s, or minor legal infractions. Franco describes feeling safer just laying low and doing his own thing. Like so many military veterans, Franco does not trust the government.

Franco discussed with me how a group of Hispanic American veterans in Mexico have united and even opened an office to help deported American military veterans come back to the US. According to the American Civil Liberties Union, there are approximately 60 American military veterans living in Tijuana, with another 179 American military veterans living in 34 countries. These veterans discussed how they missed their families and their homes. Some of these veterans were convicted of minor crimes after they were honorably discharged and deported after serving jail time for their minor infractions. Often times, those infractions are caused by issues that happened due to their service, such as drug use and possession, DUIs, and self-medicating for their PTSD. If these veterans had been granted citizenship while serving in the military, they would have never been deported. They were sent back to a country they left as children and cannot get their VA benefits because they are in another country and not allowed to enter the United States because they were deported.

To me, it makes no sense why our government and society choose not to give non-citizens who are serving in the military or military veterans head of line privileges for their service. Why aren’t non-citizen military members forced to get their citizenship while in the military? Our veterans, like Franco, and those serving in the military deserve their citizenship if they want it. They have done what so many US citizens have failed to do, join the military to fight for our country.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

What Veterans Need is a Purpose

I am constantly reminded of how difficult it was getting out of the Air Force after 20 years. My clients and students who have recently gotten out are a stark reminder of where I was when I retired. Like myself when I retired, newer veterans are struggling to work through reintegration back into civilian life. Some veterans wander around for months or years without a purpose, losing hope of finding one once they separate from the military. The lack of purpose can lead to multiple mental health and societal issues down the road. Billy is one of those guys who is struggling to re-integrate back into being a civilian.

Billy was in the Army with a tour in Iraq during the “surge”, his unit was extended from a 9 to 15-month tour because they were already in theatre, had combat experience, and knowledge of the local area. While on the extended tour Billy’s convoy hit an Improvised Explosive Device (IED) injuring several of his friends, killing one, and causing Billy lasting injuries. Billy injury is an unseen one, he suffers from the signature injury of our two longest wars Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). 

Billy completed his tour and served his hitch in the Army, once he returned to the United States and became a civilian he started fighting other battles, one with society, one with the Veterans Administration (VA) and one with his PTSD. The realization of the tough times to come was seen after Billy had gotten out of the Army and found that the Transition Assistance Program (TAP) seminars had given him a false since of security. There were not hundreds of businesses waiting in line to hire him, especially since Billy had PTSD, struggled in crowds, and trust issues.

The TAP seminars are a good attempt to help military members re-integrate back into the civilian society. The problem for Billy was, there were not the hundreds of jobs and waiting for him because of his skills as the seminars attest. Billy had trouble finding a job, let alone another career. So often businesses say they want to hire veterans, but they fear veterans having PTSD. Since PTSD and veterans go hand and hand thanks to the VA controlling most of the PTSD information and research, some veterans struggle to find careers. The career outlook has gotten better for veterans since the improved economy, but some veterans still struggle to re-integrate and find a purpose.

Going to college is one-way veterans are working toward getting their careers and life back on track after the military. Since the beginning of the post 9/11 GI bill many veterans have attended college. College can offer a bridge between military and civilian status while deciding on a career, allowing them to explore options, and giving them a purpose. Veterans can gather the necessary knowledge, skills, and experience while in college to supplement their military skills. Many veterans are inclined to seek out service connected careers that require college or additional training like nurses, firefighters, police officers, teachers, or therapist, for the purpose they so desperately seek. The collegiate experience also allows veterans to gain confidence, experience, knowledge and insight to start their new careers or their own business. There are times when college is not the answer for some veterans, they find other ways to gain a since of purpose. Veterans have the skills with or without college to do many careers they want, if society will give them the opportunity.

Veterans can struggle when returning to civilian culture because of societies ways of looking at them. Veterans can be placed on a pedestal, or seen as being broken or damaged by civilians, either way veterans can be set up for failure. Being put on a pedestal can make veterans feel uncomfortable or give them a since of entitlement. Labeling veterans as broken or damaged hurts their chance of becoming successful and can psychologically place them in a victim role, leading to other issues.       

One of the ways veterans can keep from falling into the role of victim is by volunteering. Veterans who are said to be 100% total and permanently disabled by the VA can feel like they are broken. They can find a purpose in volunteering their time to help others. What society needs to do to help our veterans find their purpose to keep them from falling into depression, leading them down the road to victimhood, or worse suicide. As a member of society, the best thing we can do for our veterans is give them the chance to have a good career and not just a job. It is irrelevant if they have school, open their own business, work for someone else, or volunteer, every veteran needs a purpose. Billy has completed his collegiate career and has a bachelors degree, he now has a good job which can lead to a career, and most of all, he has a purpose.   

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Military Veterans Can be Hard on Families

I am often approached by people who believe their childhood was made harder than it had to be because of their parent’s military service. Many veteran’s children have the same story. They often express how their parents were stricter than their friends. These children discussed how their parent’s placed military grade, extremely high expectations on them, causing them stressed and anxiousness that is a part of their lives that followed them into adulthood. For some veteran’s children who lived with a parent having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety, stress, and fear also follow the children into adulthood.

Wendy was one of those children. Wendy was a 30-year-old student who attended my psychology class while going to nursing school. She approached me after a class lecture on PTSD and disclosed her parents were in the Army before she was born. Wendy described how she struggled to live with her father’s PTSD causing drama and turmoil in her family and the military standards placed on her as a child. Wendy now shows signs of struggling with anxiety because of her father’s PTSD while growing up, which is more common than we like to believe.

Living with someone who has PTSD is difficult, especially for a child. Someone who has PTSD operates at a higher threat level than others and is constantly on high alert. Operating at a higher threat level causes stress, anxiety, and can cause PTSD in family members. Most people with PTSD don’t even realize the effects they leave on their family. The symptoms of PTSD can be passed down for generations. I have seen instances where PTSD symptoms from a Word War II veteran was passed down to their child, who passed the symptoms down to their children and so on.  Over generations PTSD can become a systemic issue in many families. It can become a major problem that is overlooked by families because they don’t know where the symptoms started or came from. Even though PTSD might not be in a veteran’s home, living with a military veteran can be difficult even without PTSD symptoms.

Those who have served in the military know how controlling the military can be. Some parents carry the controlling lifestyle from the military into their families even after they get out. One of the issues many children of veteran’s face is the demands place on them by their demanding parents. All the rules and discipline in a military veteran’s home stick with the children as they grow and have their own families. The rules and methods of military discipline are passed down from generation to generation as children of veterans have their own children. This type of discipline often bringing anxiety due to strict rules and military expectations that flow from generation to generation. Rules and discipline are not bad, it becomes a problem when they are taken to extremes as in Wendy’s case.

Wendy discussed how her anxiety gets in the way of her success. Wendy felt she could not do anything right because of the scrutiny she faced as a child due to their “boot camp” upbringing and her father’s PTSD. Wendy has issues taking risks for fear of failure. In Wendy’s home failure was not an option. I spent time explaining to Wendy how her father’s military service and PTSD could have affected her and caused her anxiety. Wendy is a proud woman because of her upbringing and chooses not to get counseling because of the stigma. Like I always hear from people like Wendy “I’m not crazy” is the excuse for not getting help. The mental health stigma bothers me because so many people can live a better life if they just choose to ask for help. If you are a child of a veteran like Wendy, and you have anxiety, depression, trust issues, or PTSD you can be helped. The first thing you need to realize is you’re not crazy, and your struggles are not your fault. Understanding where the struggles came from and getting help is what it takes to get the life you have earned and deserve. Just remember you are not broken or alone, there are a lot of people like you. Step outside of your comfort zone and have the life you deserve, get a counselor.     

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.