The Importance of Accountability

Jessie is a Vietnam veteran who suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Jessie has been married 3 times and is presently married to his 4th wife Lisa. Jessie stated that once he returned from Vietnam his anger was way worse than it was before his deployment. Jessie came to see me because of his PTSD on Lisa’s demand.  Lisa had threatened to leave him if he didn’t get the help he needed for his issues. Lisa had seen Jessie’s anger and fears him when he was drinking.  Lisa did not know what had happened with his prior relationships but after a while she discovered his temper, she put 2 and 2 together.

Jessie had been struggling for 40 years since Vietnam, some of his family made excuses for him acting the way he was with his temper, others gave him a pass for his actions. Jessie had a lot of PTSD signs, but no one knew what they were seeing at the time. They just chalked it up to Jessie being Jessie. He has been unable to go into a crowd for years, he gets antsy and short with people, sometimes to the point of confrontation. He has nightmares, gets triggered by smells, sounds, and certain situations while driving. His hyper vigilance is legendary to those who know him.

Once I started digging into his past, I found out that Jessie had a horrific childhood background. Jessie was raised by a violent alcoholic father who beat Jessie, his mother, and siblings at every turn. Jessie had a low draft number, so he decided to join the Navy before he was drafted. He joined hoping to get away from his alcoholic father and the turmoil at home. Jessie did what so many others have done in the past, joining the military to escape their home situation. Jessie went into the Navy strait out of high school thinking he would be on a ship; little did he know he would become a Seabee assigned to a ground unit at Cam Ranh Vietnam. We see a lot of people who volunteer for the military to escape a domestic violence or violent neighborhood situation. These folks are often more susceptible to PTSD because they come in with a traumatic background. Some come into the military with PTSD or the PTSD “seed” increasing their chance of getting PTSD or making it worse. It appears that is what happened to Jessie.  

Jessie had been pulled over multiple times for driving under the influence (DUI). He was able to escape the penalties for a DUI for years, but once the crackdown on DUI’s took place led by the Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (MADD) campaign, he had gotten two. Jessie did some jail time for his DUI and continued to struggle with his drinking. His drinking keeps causing him problems and has affected his relationship with Lisa. Jessie struggled to hold down a job because if his temper, drinking, and inability to do certain tasks. He could not be in crowds or work in confined spaces. Jessie had a good work ethic and skills he learned as a Seabee, so he started his own business. He worked doing odd jobs, being a handy man, and whatever was needed for years while making a decent living doing it. 

One night, Jessie crossed the line and hit Lisa in a drunken rage. Lisa laid down the law with him. Lisa flat out told him if he did not get help, she was leaving. Jessie was 70 years old and could not see himself being alone, so he promised to get help. Lisa explained to Jessie and me in their initial session that she understood his PTSD played a part in his actions, and she would stay if he got help. Lisa had forced Jessie to make the needed changes. That’s how Jessie ended up in my office  

It took Jessie over 40 years and a wife that supported him, loved him, and held him accountable for his actions to get the help he needed. Lisa had decided that she was unwilling to let Jessie continue to blame his PTSD for his actions. Lisa decided to make Jessie take responsibility for his actions. Jessie appears to be headed down the right path. At 71 years old he is finally able to live the quiet life without drama and the constant battles in his head, and Lisa is still with him.  

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For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Giving a Pass is Not Always Best

Dave served in the Air Force for 6 years and has a combat tour in Iraq. He struggles with his Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) because of a roadside bomb that hit his convoy while in a supply convoy. Dave’s PTSD is well known throughout his family and his small town. Dave has been pulled over by the local police several times for a Driving under the Influence (DUI) but was given a pass because of his military service and PTSD. They would make him park his car and drive him home, there were no repercussions for his actions. Dave has been self-medicating for years, using alcohol while trying to live with his PTSD. Dave looks back at his time in the military and remembers the stigma in the military for seeking mental health help. Dave hangs on to the idea that it is more acceptable to drink than go see a “shrink”. Dave had support in the military from his buddies, they helped him hide the seriousness of his drinking while he was in. Dave understood the ramifications of a DUI in the military but seems to have forgotten them once he got out.  Dave felt like he was alone once he separated, he drank alone, and pushed his family away. Dave’s first DUI pass happened while on his way to get more alcohol. Dave saw his drinking as a way to deal with his PTSD. But self-medicating is not helping, it just caused a larger problem.   

Often, people feel they are doing the right thing by giving veterans a pass for their discretions thinking it would help. Self-Medicating is a huge issue in the veteran culture for those with PTSD. Self-medicating causes a host of issues people overlook because of their service to the country. Dave keeps getting passes for his actions because people feel “sorry for him” because of his combat PTSD. Dave’s spouse, Darlene even allows Dave to drink around the children, when Dave acts up, she blames the war, not Dave for his actions. Darlene is not alone. So many people give folks with PTSD a pass because of their own guilt of not sacrificing themselves. So often spouses feel they can’t leave the spouse with PTSD because they will be leaving a “war veteran” or leaving “a tortured soul”. Darlene feels stuck but continues to coddle him and make excuses for him even though Dave has become a danger to himself and others because of his drinking.

Others in society give Dave a pass, this includes the local police. This is especially true in a small town where everyone knows everyone. Dave could get the help he needed if people would just force his hand and hold him accountable for his actions. Dave should have spent a lot of time in jail because of his DUI stops, but he has gotten a pass by the police. Dave might have gotten help if Darlene had left with the children vowing to not come back until he is better. Dave keeps getting passes from his family, community, and police endangering himself and everyone in the community.

What so many people forget is the cost for giving a pass to someone who needs help. This cost can be the children in the home getting PTSD from domestic violence cause by substance abuse, to believing the parental relationship with alcohol is normal. It is also an issue because if the police or society give a pass for the DUI or the physical assault caused by the misuse of drugs or alcohol will make the person believe he/she will get a pass and keep doing the negative behavior.  By giving the pass they are being enabled making it ok to behave badly. In the end there is a larger cost to society. Your guilt or feelings of shame are not warranted and can cost yourself and society dearly. If Dave had not been given a pass for all his transgressions, he might be alive today. Dave was killed while driving while drunk. I did not know he was struggling, he lived in Ohio and we did not stay in constant contact. I had not talked to him in 2 years and found out we lost him after a phone call from another buddy. Darlene called me a couple of months after his death and told me his story and what happened. We lost Dave because no one held him accountable for his actions. It might be easier to let things slide. It might even make you feel better because you “cut someone a break” but in the end, giving a pass is not always best.

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For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

PTSD Is Not Always Combat Related

Johnathan came into session upset that his family feels his problems that brought on his Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is no different than anyone else’s issues and minimizes his fears. Johnathan struggles himself with is PTSD diagnosis because it was not caused by combat. Johnathan’s PTSD came from an incident that happened while he was in the Army but did not come from what everyone expects. Johnathan’s PTSD came from a vehicle accident that happened during training. Johnathan discussed how the Humvee he was riding in rolled down a mountain while he was serving at Ft. Wainwright Alaska. The accident occurred on the bombing range on the back side of Ft. Wainwright, they were alone while driving from one location to another and it took hours for someone to find them. Johnathan was stranded in the Humvee for hours beside his troop who was killed in the accident.    

Johnathan states his spouse; Evelin and his family don’t understand or want to understand what he is going through. Johnathan disclosed that he feels his family looks at his issues as no reason to have PTSD because people have automobile accidents every day.  Johnathan’s family don’t see his PTSD as anything different, they struggle to understand why Johnathan suffers and others don’t who have been in an auto accident. Johnathan’s family makes him feel invisible and refuses to make concessions for his PTSD and just looks at him as being weird. Johnathan was not married or have children while he was in the Army and struggled the rest of the time he was in; he has been dealing with the loss of his troop since the incident. Johnathan began to drink heavily causing him to fall out of favor with his command causing more issues. Johnathan’s family did not know him before the accident and never knew him without his PTSD.

Johnathan recently realized through counseling that he has been going throughout life accommodating his PTSD. Johnathan found job’s that allow him to feel safe with his PTSD which helped hide the PTSD symptoms. But his family continues to not understand. Johnathan feels the sacrifices he has gone through has been unnoticed because his family feels his PTSD is not valid because it was not due to combat. He believes his family looks at his incident as just another automobile accident. Not the fact that he was stuck for an extended time with a dead troop beside him in the Humvee. Johnathan has stopped talking to his family about his triggers because they blow them off and don’t take it seriously. With his family blowing off his triggers Johnathan feels invisible.

One of the biggest things I see in our veteran population is people discounting the sacrifices of those who’s military service’s PTSD did not involve combat. It appears to most people, even combat veterans, that those who did not deploy should not look at their PTSD as the same as a combat veteran’s. The people around Johnathan discount his experiences because they believe Johnathan’s automobile accident is no different than the thousands of accidents that happen in the country every day. What his family does not understand is auto accidents cause more PTSD than combat… it just not talked about. Johnathan continues to struggle with his PTSD because his family discounts his experiences casing him to feel invisible and helpless.

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For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Comparing Trauma Can Be Harmful

Kevin and Katrina have been married for 10 years. Kevin is a medically retired Army veteran with 3 tours in Iraq. According to Kevin and Katrina, Kevin appeared to be doing OK until he was medically discharged from the Army for his Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and lost his purpose and identity. Kevin has struggled to maintain any kind of employment and feels the pressure to keep a job from Katrina. Kevin also feels the pressure from her family because he is not “providing” for his wife. Katrina is a few years older than Kevin and was raised by a Vietnam veteran, William, who she adores and feels can do no wrong.

After discussing Kevin’s situation with him and his medical retirement I started to dig into the issues he is having concerning his PTSD, TBI, and family. Kevin feels Katrina is being too hard on him because of his PTSD and not understanding his struggles. Kevin feels Katrina is comparing his experiences with her father’s because he was in war too. Kevin suspects William has PTSD and has been hiding it for years because he has seen some of the signs of in William but Katrina refuses to see it and always changes the subject. Kevin believes William is playing a part in Katrina’s hard-core feelings about Kevin’s PTSD and his inability to hold down a job.

Kevin describes how Katrina continually calls him out for not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. She continually tells Kevin to get over it and move on. Katrina believes her dads wartime experiences are comparable to Kevin’s. She reminds Kevin that her dad had been through Vietnam and was ok and that Kevin should be OK also. Kevin struggles to visit Katrina’s family with her because he feels he is being judged because of his PTSD & TBI by them.

William talks down to Kevin every time he sees him. Kevin stated that the tension can be felt as soon as he walked into the room with William. William has even told Kevin, I’ve seen combat too, I was able to get on with my life, not become a victim, and depend on the Veterans Administration (VA) for a paycheck. William reminds Kevin every chance he gets that he came home and was treated like crap by society, but he refused to let it bother him and moved on, and Kevin should do the same. William had gotten a good job as a heavy equipment operator and had made a decent living. William admitted to Kevin that he does struggle with his own issues but found a way around them and Kevin needed to do the same.

What William does not understand is Kevin’s PTSD goes back to his childhood. Kevin went into the military to escape the abuse he took in the foster care system as a child. Kevin went into the Army with PTSD and his service exacerbated his symptoms. William appears to not care about Kevin’s background and feels he should grow up and be a “man” and take care of his daughter. It is interesting that Katrina does not like the way her father is talking about Kevin, but she continues to harp on Kevin about not being able to get past his PTSD.

What Katrina cannot understand is she was drawn to Kevin because of his PTSD. Katrina can live with Kevin’s PTSD because she sees the same things in her father - the outburst, the secrecy, the triggers, the lack of empathy, and the signs of narcissism. Katrina has seen all of it before and believes if her father could get past it, so should Kevin. What Katrina does not understand is she is doing more harm than good to Kevin’s psychologically. Katrina is what we call a “bootstrapper” She believes Kevin should just pull himself up by his bootstraps and move on just like her father did. Katrina is making a big mistake because she is comparing Kevin’s PTSD to her father’s. The problem is they are a lot different and she can’t see it.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

The Importance of Spouses in the Recovery Process of TBI & PTSD

I see a lot of spouses who do not understand the VA system. Judy was frustrated that the VA has so little support for spouses to help with their loved one’s recovery. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) I have discovered the importance of a spouse’s role in the recovery of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). Spouses are the key to the recovery of our combat troops who have the signature issues of the recent wars, PTSD and TBI. Part of the problem is the VA will not allow spouses to get therapy from the VA on how to understand and work through PTSD and TBI in their loved one. The lack of support for spouses from the VA is measurable if you look at the divorce rate.

A study conducted by a professor at Brigham Young University found that combat veterans relationships were 62% more likely to end in separation or divorce than their civilian counterpoints. Often the combat experience is a risk factor in ending a relationship. Combat trauma seems to be an issue when people are trying to maintain a successful relationship. PTSD causes a veteran to act irrationally when they are triggered. It appears combat is especially an issue if the couple was married before deployment. The non-combat spouse to needs time to mourn the loss of what they had and accept the new normal. This takes therapy, something the VA is not providing for spouses. If the VA was willing to work with spouses one on one to explain PTSD and TBI to them, the divorce rate might decrease along with the suicide rate. If the marriage starts after deployment, it is more likely the relationship can survive because you don’t have the past to mourn. 

The VA states they prioritize their work with spouses for those of veterans who have died or have serious injury incurred in the line of duty, but isn’t PTSD and TBI a serious injury? The biggest difference is you cannot see PTSD or internal TBI. Congress does not want to add services for spouses because of the cost. It appears that the VA’s fear is the general population does not want to pay for serving spouses at the VA. There are people in the civilian community who would squawk about the costs if the VA started taking on the spouses too. The problem is, especially when it comes to mental health, it takes a toll on a spouse living with someone who has PTSD. The demands of being married to someone with PTSD can and does cause its own set of issues in the spouse.

Wouldn’t it be less expensive to allow spouses to have individual counseling? I believe it would. If the spouse understands what they are seeing they might have the ability to head off some of the issues the veterans goes to the VA for. It is possible the spouse could spot triggers in the veteran decreasing triggers. It is also possible the spouse could spot suicidality of their spouse decreasing the 20 to 22 a day veterans’ suicide rates. The VA does offer couples counseling but that can be an issue for the veteran. The spouse needs to be free to discuss what their living with and it is more likely the spouse would be apprehensive to discuss their feelings in couples counseling. Some of the conversations can be problematic for a combat veteran if they get triggered by the discussion of their issues by their spouses. Spouses need individual counseling to help them understand what their seeing in their spouse. Spouses don’t know how to help because no one is teaching them what they need to do.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Can Cannabis Help with Pain Management & PTSD?

Veterans have been using marijuana for decades to help with pain management and Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) symptoms. The problem is the Veterans Administration (VA) follows governmental, not state guidelines concerning marijuana. Since marijuana is a schedule 1 drug according to the federal government, the VA is not allowed to help veterans attain, suggest, or prescribe marijuana. A schedule 1 drug is defined by the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) as a drug with no currently accepted medical use and a high potential for abuse. Sounds a little antiquated with it being considered equal to heroin, LSD, and ecstasy.

I have worked with and known hundreds of veterans with PTSD, I can honestly say it appears that cannabis helps them. With so many states now allowing the use of medical and recreational marijuana the federal government appears to be unwilling to authorize or extensively study cannabis even though it appears to be helpful to so many veterans. From what I can tell, there have been, or are doing limited studies on marijuana but not the extent that is needed. It is also possible the VA is studying it in secret because of the stigma. The only reason I can see for the government’s unwillingness to de-criminalize marijuana is because of how it looks and the stigma. To the government, marijuana is worse than opioids because opioids can be and are prescribed, therefore controlled. People are going to use pot if they want, it makes no sense in trying to stop it, it has and always will fail, and it is a waste of resources and money. I have seen where several veterans have used marijuana instead of opioids, and it has worked for them. Marijuana is often called a gateway drug. If you want to talk about a gateway drug… prescription opioids it is. Just ask someone who has beaten the opioid addiction.

I know some will disagree with me, but I honestly believe marijuana is better than alcohol or opioids. If you look at it from a logical point, allowing the legal use and distribution of marijuana makes sense. How many bar fights have been caused by using marijuana?  How many domestic violence cases have you heard of from marijuana use? There are very few if any. How much damage has marijuana done to families compared to alcohol or opioids? In my opinion pot appears to be a better than either.

The VA states on their website that they encourage veterans to tell their primary care physician that they use marijuana, and by telling their primary care physician it will not cause the veteran to lose their benefits. The VA will put the information in the veteran’s medical records, and it will remain confidential and protected by Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA).  The VA also states that VA providers can talk about marijuana use with clients as a part of their planning and adjust treatment, but may not recommend its use. It is possible that the use of marijuana could interfere in the effectiveness of prescribed medications. The VA doctors are not allowed to write prescriptions for medical marijuana even if it is legal in the residing state.

I can see where having marijuana use in medical records could cause an issue for the veteran. The VA is always changing the rules, I don’t think I would want marijuana use in my medical records for fear of it being used against me in the future. Even though possessing marijuana in some states is legal, it is not allowed on VA property. You can be arrested for possession of a controlled substance if you’re caught with it on VA grounds, even if it’s prescribed by a civilian doctor. VA grounds are federal property, and marijuana is still a schedule 1 drug to them.

There have been several civilian studies that show marijuana can replace opioids for some pain management. A study done in 2014 shows that one state that legalized cannabis has had a decrease in opioid overdose deaths by 25%. The VA says their scientists may conduct research on marijuana benefits, risks, and potential for abuse under regulatory approval but the funding needed is not available. The limited funding for marijuana research mainly comes from the government, yes, the same government that has labeled marijuana a schedule 1 drug. Most of this research focuses on addiction, abuse, and other potentially detrimental effects of marijuana. Little research focuses on the positive aspects of marijuana causing the research to be skewed toward the negative. 

Marijuana acts differently in everyone, what works for one might be a problem for another, just like prescription medication. I also would like to point out that over use of marijuana can cause problems just like any drug.  I’m not going to suggest you quit your medication and use marijuana. If you want to try cannabis, talk to your doctor to see if it is an option. I believe the VA should be doing an extensive research study to see if marijuana works as a replacement for some prescription medication applications for pain management and PTSD symptoms. If the study finds marijuana works, it will save millions of dollars of tax money spent on opioids. If you feel marijuana should be studied by the VA, contact your congressman and demand an unbiased study.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Recent Events Trigger Some Veterans

John came to session this week and was visibly shaken. John served 2 tours in Iraq and has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He was concerned for himself and his children because of the recent mass shootings. Being worried about the mass shootings happening to him might sound dramatic or his thoughts are over the top, but when you are a person of color like John, I believe it feels different. John is a Hispanic male with a wife 3 and children, and because of recent events, his PTSD has consumed him. John disclosed that he has started to look at things differently in the United States recently and is considering taking his family out of the country because of how bad things are getting, and he is not alone.    

Many of my clients, both veterans and civilians, are worried. Is their fear justified? We just need to look 30 miles down the road to San Bernardino to know it can happen here. The mass shootings in El Paso TX and Dayton OH has unforeseen consequences on our country and culture. I have spent most of my recent sessions reassuring my clients that we’ll be OK. I assure them that we, as a country, have survived worse and will continue to survive and prosper. There’s plenty of blame to go around for the toxic environment. But what concerns me is the impact on those who need mental health help but refuse to get it for fear they will lose their rights.

Some people say the media fuels the fire, others say it is the President, while others blame Congress. It’s not as simple as pointing fingers at each other. It’s not just one entity that causes the problem, it’s a combination of things both big and small. People say, its crazy people doing the shootings no, they’re not all crazy, calculated… but not crazy. The El Paso shooter traveled 8 hours to shoot “Mexicans”, most “crazy people” are not that organized, is it possible he is crazy? … of course, it is, but not likely. It is not crazy people who do the shootings, it is those with weak minds that allow others to whip them into a frenzy. By saying it is crazy people doing the shootings I can see, especially in the veteran community, where someone with PTSD will be scared to get help for fear of losing their rights. I get asked all the time, what is going into my VA records, are you telling them everything I say? The answer is no unless they tell me they are going to kill themselves, others, or have committed child or elder abuse. Other than these cases confidentiality takes precedence. When they are with me, I can tell if someone has malice or they threaten anyone. Its beneficial for them to seek help because as a trained professional I am better suited to see a problem if there is one. So, trying to take weapons from “crazy people” is not the good answer… describe crazy? The “crazy people” will not come to therapy creating a bigger problem.

I have been telling my clients that their PTSD gives them the upper hand in a shooting situation. Their hyper vigilance keeps them aware. They are safer because of their PTSD and they need to use it to their advantage for themselves and their families.  

The shootings have a lot of pieces to it. It’s not the guns alone. It’s not that people are crazy. It’s not the video games. It’s not the schools, or bad parenting. It is a combination of the above. People need to understand there is no easy answers and causing people with PTSD more anguish than needed is problematic. Blaming the issues on “crazy people” does not help. The situation is more complex than others want to admit. There are no quick fixes. This is a cultural thing. With the short attention span and limited intellectual functioning of some Americans, we cannot see the details, we let the politicians and pundits tell us what to think instead of thinking for ourselves. For veterans, you can use your training to protect yourself and your family. You as a military veteran are more capable of dealing with the situation than the average citizen. In this case PTSD can be your friend in the right circumstances. 

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For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

The Importance of Accountability

Jessie is a Vietnam veteran who suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Jessie has been married 3 times and is presently married to his 4th wife Lisa. Jessie stated that once he returned from Vietnam his anger was way worse than it was before his deployment. Jessie came to see me because of his PTSD on Lisa’s demand.  Lisa had threatened to leave him if he didn’t get the help he needed for his issues. Lisa had seen Jessie’s anger and fears him when he was drinking.  Lisa did not know what had happened with his prior relationships but after a while she discovered his temper, she put 2 and 2 together.

Jessie had been struggling for 40 years since Vietnam, some of his family made excuses for him acting the way he was with his temper, others gave him a pass for his actions. Jessie had a lot of PTSD signs, but no one knew what they were seeing at the time. They just chalked it up to Jessie being Jessie. He has been unable to go into a crowd for years, he gets antsy and short with people, sometimes to the point of confrontation. He has nightmares, gets triggered by smells, sounds, and certain situations while driving. His hyper vigilance is legendary to those who know him.

Once I started digging into his past, I found out that Jessie had a horrific childhood background. Jessie was raised by a violent alcoholic father who beat Jessie, his mother, and siblings at every turn. Jessie had a low draft number, so he decided to join the Navy before he was drafted. He joined hoping to get away from his alcoholic father and the turmoil at home. Jessie did what so many others have done in the past, joining the military to escape their home situation. Jessie went into the Navy strait out of high school thinking he would be on a ship; little did he know he would become a Seabee assigned to a ground unit at Cam Ranh Vietnam. We see a lot of people who volunteer for the military to escape a domestic violence or violent neighborhood situation. These folks are often more susceptible to PTSD because they come in with a traumatic background. Some come into the military with PTSD or the PTSD “seed” increasing their chance of getting PTSD or making it worse. It appears that is what happened to Jessie.  

Jessie had been pulled over multiple times for driving under the influence (DUI). He was able to escape the penalties for a DUI for years, but once the crackdown on DUI’s took place led by the Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (MADD) campaign, he had gotten two. Jessie did some jail time for his DUI and continued to struggle with his drinking. His drinking keeps causing him problems and has affected his relationship with Lisa. Jessie struggled to hold down a job because if his temper, drinking, and inability to do certain tasks. He could not be in crowds or work in confined spaces. Jessie had a good work ethic and skills he learned as a Seabee, so he started his own business. He worked doing odd jobs, being a handy man, and whatever was needed for years while making a decent living doing it. 

One night, Jessie crossed the line and hit Lisa in a drunken rage. Lisa laid down the law with him. Lisa flat out told him if he did not get help, she was leaving. Jessie was 70 years old and could not see himself being alone, so he promised to get help. Lisa explained to Jessie and me in their initial session that she understood his PTSD played a part in his actions, and she would stay if he got help. Lisa had forced Jessie to make the needed changes. That’s how Jessie ended up in my office  

It took Jessie over 40 years and a wife that supported him, loved him, and held him accountable for his actions to get the help he needed. Lisa had decided that she was unwilling to let Jessie continue to blame his PTSD for his actions. Lisa decided to make Jessie take responsibility for his actions. Jessie appears to be headed down the right path. At 71 years old he is finally able to live the quiet life without drama and the constant battles in his head, and Lisa is still with him.  

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For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.