I see a lot of spouses who do not understand the VA system. Judy was frustrated that the VA has so little support for spouses to help with their loved one’s recovery. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) I have discovered the importance of a spouse’s role in the recovery of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). Spouses are the key to the recovery of our combat troops who have the signature issues of the recent wars, PTSD and TBI. Part of the problem is the VA will not allow spouses to get therapy from the VA on how to understand and work through PTSD and TBI in their loved one. The lack of support for spouses from the VA is measurable if you look at the divorce rate.
A study conducted by a professor at Brigham Young University found that combat veterans relationships were 62% more likely to end in separation or divorce than their civilian counterpoints. Often the combat experience is a risk factor in ending a relationship. Combat trauma seems to be an issue when people are trying to maintain a successful relationship. PTSD causes a veteran to act irrationally when they are triggered. It appears combat is especially an issue if the couple was married before deployment. The non-combat spouse to needs time to mourn the loss of what they had and accept the new normal. This takes therapy, something the VA is not providing for spouses. If the VA was willing to work with spouses one on one to explain PTSD and TBI to them, the divorce rate might decrease along with the suicide rate. If the marriage starts after deployment, it is more likely the relationship can survive because you don’t have the past to mourn.
The VA states they prioritize their work with spouses for those of veterans who have died or have serious injury incurred in the line of duty, but isn’t PTSD and TBI a serious injury? The biggest difference is you cannot see PTSD or internal TBI. Congress does not want to add services for spouses because of the cost. It appears that the VA’s fear is the general population does not want to pay for serving spouses at the VA. There are people in the civilian community who would squawk about the costs if the VA started taking on the spouses too. The problem is, especially when it comes to mental health, it takes a toll on a spouse living with someone who has PTSD. The demands of being married to someone with PTSD can and does cause its own set of issues in the spouse.
Wouldn’t it be less expensive to allow spouses to have individual counseling? I believe it would. If the spouse understands what they are seeing they might have the ability to head off some of the issues the veterans goes to the VA for. It is possible the spouse could spot triggers in the veteran decreasing triggers. It is also possible the spouse could spot suicidality of their spouse decreasing the 20 to 22 a day veterans’ suicide rates. The VA does offer couples counseling but that can be an issue for the veteran. The spouse needs to be free to discuss what their living with and it is more likely the spouse would be apprehensive to discuss their feelings in couples counseling. Some of the conversations can be problematic for a combat veteran if they get triggered by the discussion of their issues by their spouses. Spouses need individual counseling to help them understand what their seeing in their spouse. Spouses don’t know how to help because no one is teaching them what they need to do.
For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.
