spouse

Veterans and their Spouses Need to Understand the VA System

Even though I served 20 years in the Air Force and have been retired for 12 years I still did not understand exactly how the Veterans Administration (VA) works. After 32 years I am now on a mission to learn the VA system. I thought I would share some of what I have learned. Being retired I have Tri-care medical insurance and felt I didn’t need the VA medical system. I tried to not use the VA system believing I was taking appointments from veterans who needed them.   I had gotten my disability rating when I retired and believed did not have to set foot in a VA hospital or clinic because I have Tri-care. The one time I went to the VA was about 6 months after I retired and was not happy with the way I was treated, I waited 10 years to go back into the VA. I did not want to deal with the headaches of the VA, so I didn’t go, that was a big mistake on my part. My thought process changed when I filed to increase of my disability claim about 2 years ago. I found I had to start playing their game.

My claim was denied for lack of documentation because I had chosen to not use the VA system. I retrieved my civilian medical records and took them to the VA believing that would give the VA the needed documentation for my claim. After waiting about 2 hours at the VA records department I was unable to add my personal medical records to my VA medical records.  I needed permission from a VA primary care physician, which I did not have. I was required to sign up for a primary care provider at the VA, taking an appointment from another veteran who only has medical insurance through the VA. I received an appointment in a shockingly quick time. I now have 2 primary care physicians one from the VA and a civilian doctor from Tri-Care. I quickly found I did not understand the system. As I have learned the hard way the VA has 3 separate sections and they don’t talk to each other. The VA’s 3 sections are Veterans Healthcare Administration (VHA), Veterans Benefits Administration (VBA) and National Cemetery Administration.

The VHA healthcare system is the largest integrated health care system in the United States. What many do not know is each VA healthcare facility is managed as a separate entity. Every VA facility is different and offer different services. Often one of the biggest issues is the different VA facilities or entities not talking to each other. The VA runs more than 1,700 hospitals, clinics, and other facilities spread throughout the country. I have heard of several instances where a veteran goes to a different VA facility than their normal one and the visiting VA facility has no access to their medical records. Veterans need to be aware their VA medical records are not available when they travel unless the veteran registers to share them.  

The benefits section of the VA the VBA covers a multitude of items for service members, veterans, their dependents and survivors. The benefits section of the VA covers disability claims, education, training, home loans, and life insurance for qualifying members. The important thing to remember is the benefits section might not talk to your VA primary care provider for information about your claim. While talking to my VA primary care provider I found the information from my VA benefits claim, filed by a VA benefits contract doctor was not added to my permanent VA medical records. I had to tell my VA primary care doctor my diagnosis from a VA contract doctor. You have to stay on top of your information and claim. The people reading your compensation claim utilize all documentation, but you need to make sure all documentation is there. If you went to your VA primary care or civilian physician after the claims section has pulled your records for review they do not have your most recent information. If you have been diagnosed with a medical issue by a VA contract doctor do not assume it is in your VA medical records for your VA primary care doctor to see.   

The third section of the VA is the National Cemetery Administration. Many veterans and their families do not know that veterans and spouses can be buried at any of the 134 National cemeteries if they qualify, and most veterans do. Your local Veteran Service Organization (VSO’s) Should be able to help you. Your Funeral home should also be aware of the requirements for VA death benefits.   

In the end, you as the veteran or family member must stay on top of your documentation and claim. If you understand that the VA sections do not talk to each other it makes it easier for you to work through the system. It is in your best interest that you not assume the VA benefits section has all of the needed information for your claim. Make sure you understand how you can control the speed that claims get handled by understanding how the system works. For your health don’t assume your VA primary care physician has all of your needed information. Follow up to make sure the right section has the documentation needed to file a successful disability claim and your VA primary care doctor has the needed information to save your life.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Veterans Spouses Need to Tell Their Stories

So often the spouses of veterans struggle to keep their lives together because of problems their veteran faces. These spouses deal with their veterans needs with little to no fanfare or appreciation. These spouses forgo their needs to tend to the needs of the veteran. Anyone who has been in the military understands that they are different. Those who live with veterans know that veterans have quirks others don’t have. No one who goes in the military comes out the same. These differences carry forward with the veteran after their service is completed and passes down to the families which can be a good or bad depending on the situation.

Living with veterans daily can be difficult, veterans can be stubborn. A veteran's needs can be different from civilians. Whether it's being on time, awareness of their surroundings, and being aware of where they are sitting in a restaurant can become a problem. Veterans do not like to sit with their back to the door so they can be aware of their surroundings. This can appear odd if you don’t know why they insist on sitting with their backs to the wall. Sitting in the middle of a crowded room is uncomfortable for veterans, they feel too vulnerable.

Some spouses are dealing with veterans who have mental and physical disabilities that become a part of their lives. These disabilities can lead to a hard and frustrating life for the whole family. Some spouses struggle to make tough decisions concerning the commitment to their relationships. For so many spouses it would be easier to walk away and not have to deal with the issues the military brought into their lives. Many veteran spouses stay in their relationships to their detriment because of loyalty, love, and living out the “for better or worse commitment” they made when they married.

Spouses who live with a veteran who has a physical disability struggle as they both age. Often the physical disabilities create a problem for the spouse because of their inability to physically do what is needed concerning the physical ailments of the veteran. The mental health aspect of veterans can linger for years and be torturous for a life time for spouses. Seeing your loved one struggle with mental health issues and not having the ability to help causes its own stress and frustration. Spouses struggle to understand why their loved ones are acting the way they do because of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), or a multitude of other mental health issues brought on by military service. Some spouses must deal with both the physical and mental aspects of their veteran’s issues, when spouses reach out for help, usually to the VA, they hit a huge frustrating bureaucracy.   

Dealing with the VA is one of the most frustrating things any veteran or their spouse can deal with. I would say dealing with the VA is more frustrating for spouses because they don't have a lot of say on how their veteran is treated. Often regulations set by congress limit the amount of help the VA can give spouses. When it comes to mental health issues, especially PTSD, a spouse has little say in treatment. If a spouse of a veteran with PTSD goes to the VA and says, “you diagnosed my husband with PTSD and I need help, can you help me?”, the VA will tell them “no” unless the veteran is receiving treatment for PTSD themselves. It is well known veterans won't seek treatment because of the stigma and the perception the VA will just throw drugs at them and not deal with their issues. By the veteran not getting help with their PTSD it places their spouse in a tough situation. So often spouses feel they can’t stay in the relationship for their own sanity and they can’t go because they love and are committed to their relationship. What society needs to know is these spouses are taking on their burden by tending to these disabled veterans at no cost to society and a huge cost to their physical and mental wellbeing. Funding to provide spouses help for caring of disabled veterans should be a cost of war. That's why spouses need to speak up and tell their stories so they can get the help they deserve.

Spouses are the unseen heroes of the veteran community. Veterans spouses save the federal government billions of dollars by providing services that the VA and society should be paying for. Our society expects these spouses to be the good soldier and keep doing what they're doing even if it is hindrance to their health. These spouses need to start telling their stories so society can see what they're giving to the country. Without their voice, they’re taken for granted by society, the VA, and family members. I encourage spouses to speak up and tell their stories so they can get their just due and be labeled the heroes that they are.

 

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com for tips on how to navigate the VA system and make your VA experience healthier and less frustrating. Like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

 

For local mental health counseling for spouses you can call

Victor Community Support Services

(Military Family Program)

222 East Main St

Barstow, Ca. 92311

(760) 255-1496

 www.victor.org

 

Christian Counseling Services (CCS)

(Military Family Program)

205 E. State Street

Redlands, CA 92373

909-793-1078

www.ccs-cares.org

 

Being Politically Correct is Hard for Home Veterans

I was at a veteran center the other day and a veteran was talking about “haji”.  I began to wonder if the veteran would be considered a racist if he had used the term outside the “safety” of the vet center. Since so many in our society don’t understand that during war we are programmed to use those terms to do our jobs, which undermines the morality we started with, before we went to war, I wanted to discuss this issue here. Every war has its slurs, during Vietnam, one of the terms was “gooks”, and is still used by Vietnam veterans to this day. It happens in every war, it is necessary to mentally survive. Society struggles to understand why veterans bring those terms home with them. The truth is, de-humanizing the enemy is the only way many Soldiers, Sailors, Airman, and Marines can convince themselves it’s acceptable to kill, even during war. Does using these terms make a veteran a racist? That is an interesting question and one that needs to be explored by individuals and society.    

The United States has become so politically correct that comedians can’t even do their shows. It’s understandable that people feel minimized by some of the terms used. But should those who fight in our name be labeled a racist because they did what they had to do to get home?  I can see where the terms are hard for some in society to hear, but the reality is, using these terms are what allowed our veterans to be able to survive their ordeal in a war situation. Should they quit using those derogatory terms for a race of people who tried to kill them? Maybe they should, or should the reason be understood and give them a pass? It’s easier to shoot a “gook” or “haji” than a person. De-humanizing the enemy is important to their survival in theatre.   

There’s no off switch when veterans return home, de-humanizing one’s enemy is the oldest trick in the book and has been used by all governments to create hostility toward the enemy throughout history. Since there are so few veterans in our society, some civilians believe it’s easy to not use these derogatory terms. Psychologically, if it was that easy to de-program yourself once you return home it would have been done. The military doesn’t provide any training on how to de-program veterans when they return to civilian life and that is a problem.

It is difficult to work through the political correctness when trying to integrate back into society. So often veterans struggle because they cannot meet society's requirements. Society has such stringent expectations, and rightly so, about what’s right and wrong to say concerning race, religion, and clothing. If a veteran uses one of these terms it can be labeled hate speech. Is this fair to veterans who have fought for free speech? Our government allowed, even encouraged, these terms to be used in theatre, but veterans can be vilified by society if they use these terms in the wrong place once they return home. There’s no de-humanization switch to turn off.

It is problematic for the military to send military members to war and program them to kill the enemy, then return them to society without taking responsibility for their part of the vet’s struggle to reintegrate.  I have heard multiple times where military veterans have been told their time in war has made them a menace to society. To me this is unconscionable. Civilians need to understand why veterans do what they do and what they had to do. It is not easy putting the genie back in the bottle. I am not suggesting that we give the veteran a pass to be a jerk. There is a price to be paid when we go to war and veterans should not be the only sector of our population who pays.

Should society give these veterans a pass when using racial slurs against someone who looks like their enemy? This is a question we must ask ourselves. For some veterans, the military has made it difficult to be successful in society because of the lack of any de-programing program. Should we blame the veteran or should we put the blame where it belongs, on the military for not de-programming the veterans who are struggling when returning to society. So, the question is, are veteran’s racist for using certain terms they have been programmed by our government to use to survive? That question is up to each individual and society.   

 

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Veterans and their Spouses Need to Understand the VA System

Even though I served 20 years in the Air Force and have been retired for 12 years I still did not understand exactly how the Veterans Administration (VA) works. After 32 years I am now on a mission to learn the VA system. I thought I would share some of what I have learned. Being retired I have Tri-care medical insurance and felt I didn’t need the VA medical system. I tried to not use the VA system believing I was taking appointments from veterans who needed them.   I had gotten my disability rating when I retired and believed did not have to set foot in a VA hospital or clinic because I have Tri-care. The one time I went to the VA was about 6 months after I retired and was not happy with the way I was treated, I waited 10 years to go back into the VA. I did not want to deal with the headaches of the VA, so I didn’t go, that was a big mistake on my part. My thought process changed when I filed to increase of my disability claim about 2 years ago. I found I had to start playing their game.

My claim was denied for lack of documentation because I had chosen to not use the VA system. I retrieved my civilian medical records and took them to the VA believing that would give the VA the needed documentation for my claim. After waiting about 2 hours at the VA records department I was unable to add my personal medical records to my VA medical records.  I needed permission from a VA primary care physician, which I did not have. I was required to sign up for a primary care provider at the VA, taking an appointment from another veteran who only has medical insurance through the VA. I received an appointment in a shockingly quick time. I now have 2 primary care physicians one from the VA and a civilian doctor from Tri-Care. I quickly found I did not understand the system. As I have learned the hard way the VA has 3 separate sections and they don’t talk to each other. The VA’s 3 sections are Veterans Healthcare Administration (VHA), Veterans Benefits Administration (VBA) and National Cemetery Administration.

The VHA healthcare system is the largest integrated health care system in the United States. What many do not know is each VA healthcare facility is managed as a separate entity. Every VA facility is different and offer different services. Often one of the biggest issues is the different VA facilities or entities not talking to each other. The VA runs more than 1,700 hospitals, clinics, and other facilities spread throughout the country. I have heard of several instances where a veteran goes to a different VA facility than their normal one and the visiting VA facility has no access to their medical records. Veterans need to be aware their VA medical records are not available when they travel unless the veteran registers to share them.  

The benefits section of the VA the VBA covers a multitude of items for service members, veterans, their dependents and survivors. The benefits section of the VA covers disability claims, education, training, home loans, and life insurance for qualifying members. The important thing to remember is the benefits section might not talk to your VA primary care provider for information about your claim. While talking to my VA primary care provider I found the information from my VA benefits claim, filed by a VA benefits contract doctor was not added to my permanent VA medical records. I had to tell my VA primary care doctor my diagnosis from a VA contract doctor. You have to stay on top of your information and claim. The people reading your compensation claim utilize all documentation, but you need to make sure all documentation is there. If you went to your VA primary care or civilian physician after the claims section has pulled your records for review they do not have your most recent information. If you have been diagnosed with a medical issue by a VA contract doctor do not assume it is in your VA medical records for your VA primary care doctor to see.   

The third section of the VA is the National Cemetery Administration. Many veterans and their families do not know that veterans and spouses can be buried at any of the 134 National cemeteries if they qualify, and most veterans do. Your local Veteran Service Organization (VSO’s) Should be able to help you. Your Funeral home should also be aware of the requirements for VA death benefits.   

In the end, you as the veteran or family member must stay on top of your documentation and claim. If you understand that the VA sections do not talk to each other it makes it easier for you to work through the system. It is in your best interest that you not assume the VA benefits section has all of the needed information for your claim. Make sure you understand how you can control the speed that claims get handled by understanding how the system works. For your health don’t assume your VA primary care physician has all of your needed information. Follow up to make sure the right section has the documentation needed to file a successful disability claim and your VA primary care doctor has the needed information to save your life.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Veterans Spouses Need to Tell Their Stories

So often the spouses of veterans struggle to keep their lives together because of problems their veteran faces. These spouses deal with their veterans needs with little to no fanfare or appreciation. These spouses forgo their needs to tend to the needs of the veteran. Anyone who has been in the military understands that they are different. Those who live with veterans know that veterans have quirks others don’t have. No one who goes in the military comes out the same. These differences carry forward with the veteran after their service is completed and passes down to the families which can be a good or bad depending on the situation.

Living with veterans daily can be difficult, veterans can be stubborn. A veteran's needs can be different from civilians. Whether it's being on time, awareness of their surroundings, and being aware of where they are sitting in a restaurant can become a problem. Veterans do not like to sit with their back to the door so they can be aware of their surroundings. This can appear odd if you don’t know why they insist on sitting with their backs to the wall. Sitting in the middle of a crowded room is uncomfortable for veterans, they feel too vulnerable.

Some spouses are dealing with veterans who have mental and physical disabilities that become a part of their lives. These disabilities can lead to a hard and frustrating life for the whole family. Some spouses struggle to make tough decisions concerning the commitment to their relationships. For so many spouses it would be easier to walk away and not have to deal with the issues the military brought into their lives. Many veteran spouses stay in their relationships to their detriment because of loyalty, love, and living out the “for better or worse commitment” they made when they married.

Spouses who live with a veteran who has a physical disability struggle as they both age. Often the physical disabilities create a problem for the spouse because of their inability to physically do what is needed concerning the physical ailments of the veteran. The mental health aspect of veterans can linger for years and be torturous for a life time for spouses. Seeing your loved one struggle with mental health issues and not having the ability to help causes its own stress and frustration. Spouses struggle to understand why their loved ones are acting the way they do because of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), or a multitude of other mental health issues brought on by military service. Some spouses must deal with both the physical and mental aspects of their veteran’s issues, when spouses reach out for help, usually to the VA, they hit a huge frustrating bureaucracy.   

Dealing with the VA is one of the most frustrating things any veteran or their spouse can deal with. I would say dealing with the VA is more frustrating for spouses because they don't have a lot of say on how their veteran is treated. Often regulations set by congress limit the amount of help the VA can give spouses. When it comes to mental health issues, especially PTSD, a spouse has little say in treatment. If a spouse of a veteran with PTSD goes to the VA and says, “you diagnosed my husband with PTSD and I need help, can you help me?”, the VA will tell them “no” unless the veteran is receiving treatment for PTSD themselves. It is well known veterans won't seek treatment because of the stigma and the perception the VA will just throw drugs at them and not deal with their issues. By the veteran not getting help with their PTSD it places their spouse in a tough situation. So often spouses feel they can’t stay in the relationship for their own sanity and they can’t go because they love and are committed to their relationship. What society needs to know is these spouses are taking on their burden by tending to these disabled veterans at no cost to society and a huge cost to their physical and mental wellbeing. Funding to provide spouses help for caring of disabled veterans should be a cost of war. That's why spouses need to speak up and tell their stories so they can get the help they deserve.

Spouses are the unseen heroes of the veteran community. Veterans spouses save the federal government billions of dollars by providing services that the VA and society should be paying for. Our society expects these spouses to be the good soldier and keep doing what they're doing even if it is hindrance to their health. These spouses need to start telling their stories so society can see what they're giving to the country. Without their voice, they’re taken for granted by society, the VA, and family members. I encourage spouses to speak up and tell their stories so they can get their just due and be labeled the heroes that they are.

 

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com for tips on how to navigate the VA system and make your VA experience healthier and less frustrating. Like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

 

For local mental health counseling for spouses you can call

Victor Community Support Services

(Military Family Program)

222 East Main St

Barstow, Ca. 92311

(760) 255-1496

 www.victor.org

 

Christian Counseling Services (CCS)

(Military Family Program)

205 E. State Street

Redlands, CA 92373

909-793-1078

www.ccs-cares.org

 

Being Politically Correct is Hard for Home Veterans

I was at a veteran center the other day and a veteran was talking about “haji”.  I began to wonder if the veteran would be considered a racist if he had used the term outside the “safety” of the vet center. Since so many in our society don’t understand that during war we are programmed to use those terms to do our jobs, which undermines the morality we started with, before we went to war, I wanted to discuss this issue here. Every war has its slurs, during Vietnam, one of the terms was “gooks”, and is still used by Vietnam veterans to this day. It happens in every war, it is necessary to mentally survive. Society struggles to understand why veterans bring those terms home with them. The truth is, de-humanizing the enemy is the only way many Soldiers, Sailors, Airman, and Marines can convince themselves it’s acceptable to kill, even during war. Does using these terms make a veteran a racist? That is an interesting question and one that needs to be explored by individuals and society.    

The United States has become so politically correct that comedians can’t even do their shows. It’s understandable that people feel minimized by some of the terms used. But should those who fight in our name be labeled a racist because they did what they had to do to get home?  I can see where the terms are hard for some in society to hear, but the reality is, using these terms are what allowed our veterans to be able to survive their ordeal in a war situation. Should they quit using those derogatory terms for a race of people who tried to kill them? Maybe they should, or should the reason be understood and give them a pass? It’s easier to shoot a “gook” or “haji” than a person. De-humanizing the enemy is important to their survival in theatre.   

There’s no off switch when veterans return home, de-humanizing one’s enemy is the oldest trick in the book and has been used by all governments to create hostility toward the enemy throughout history. Since there are so few veterans in our society, some civilians believe it’s easy to not use these derogatory terms. Psychologically, if it was that easy to de-program yourself once you return home it would have been done. The military doesn’t provide any training on how to de-program veterans when they return to civilian life and that is a problem.

It is difficult to work through the political correctness when trying to integrate back into society. So often veterans struggle because they cannot meet society's requirements. Society has such stringent expectations, and rightly so, about what’s right and wrong to say concerning race, religion, and clothing. If a veteran uses one of these terms it can be labeled hate speech. Is this fair to veterans who have fought for free speech? Our government allowed, even encouraged, these terms to be used in theatre, but veterans can be vilified by society if they use these terms in the wrong place once they return home. There’s no de-humanization switch to turn off.

It is problematic for the military to send military members to war and program them to kill the enemy, then return them to society without taking responsibility for their part of the vet’s struggle to reintegrate.  I have heard multiple times where military veterans have been told their time in war has made them a menace to society. To me this is unconscionable. Civilians need to understand why veterans do what they do and what they had to do. It is not easy putting the genie back in the bottle. I am not suggesting that we give the veteran a pass to be a jerk. There is a price to be paid when we go to war and veterans should not be the only sector of our population who pays.

Should society give these veterans a pass when using racial slurs against someone who looks like their enemy? This is a question we must ask ourselves. For some veterans, the military has made it difficult to be successful in society because of the lack of any de-programing program. Should we blame the veteran or should we put the blame where it belongs, on the military for not de-programming the veterans who are struggling when returning to society. So, the question is, are veteran’s racist for using certain terms they have been programmed by our government to use to survive? That question is up to each individual and society.   

 

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Veterans and their Spouses Need to Understand the VA System

pexels-photo-794576.jpeg

Even though I served 20 years in the Air Force and have been retired for 12 years I still did not understand exactly how the Veterans Administration (VA) works. After 32 years I am now on a mission to learn the VA system. I thought I would share some of what I have learned. Being retired I have Tri-care medical insurance and felt I didn’t need the VA medical system. I tried to not use the VA system believing I was taking appointments from veterans who needed them.   I had gotten my disability rating when I retired and believed did not have to set foot in a VA hospital or clinic because I have Tri-care. The one time I went to the VA was about 6 months after I retired and was not happy with the way I was treated, I waited 10 years to go back into the VA. I did not want to deal with the headaches of the VA, so I didn’t go, that was a big mistake on my part. My thought process changed when I filed to increase of my disability claim about 2 years ago. I found I had to start playing their game.

My claim was denied for lack of documentation because I had chosen to not use the VA system. I retrieved my civilian medical records and took them to the VA believing that would give the VA the needed documentation for my claim. After waiting about 2 hours at the VA records department I was unable to add my personal medical records to my VA medical records.  I needed permission from a VA primary care physician, which I did not have. I was required to sign up for a primary care provider at the VA, taking an appointment from another veteran who only has medical insurance through the VA. I received an appointment in a shockingly quick time. I now have 2 primary care physicians one from the VA and a civilian doctor from Tri-Care. I quickly found I did not understand the system. As I have learned the hard way the VA has 3 separate sections and they don’t talk to each other. The VA’s 3 sections are Veterans Healthcare Administration (VHA), Veterans Benefits Administration (VBA) and National Cemetery Administration.

The VHA healthcare system is the largest integrated health care system in the United States. What many do not know is each VA healthcare facility is managed as a separate entity. Every VA facility is different and offer different services. Often one of the biggest issues is the different VA facilities or entities not talking to each other. The VA runs more than 1,700 hospitals, clinics, and other facilities spread throughout the country. I have heard of several instances where a veteran goes to a different VA facility than their normal one and the visiting VA facility has no access to their medical records. Veterans need to be aware their VA medical records are not available when they travel unless the veteran registers to share them.  

The benefits section of the VA the VBA covers a multitude of items for service members, veterans, their dependents and survivors. The benefits section of the VA covers disability claims, education, training, home loans, and life insurance for qualifying members. The important thing to remember is the benefits section might not talk to your VA primary care provider for information about your claim. While talking to my VA primary care provider I found the information from my VA benefits claim, filed by a VA benefits contract doctor was not added to my permanent VA medical records. I had to tell my VA primary care doctor my diagnosis from a VA contract doctor. You have to stay on top of your information and claim. The people reading your compensation claim utilize all documentation, but you need to make sure all documentation is there. If you went to your VA primary care or civilian physician after the claims section has pulled your records for review they do not have your most recent information. If you have been diagnosed with a medical issue by a VA contract doctor do not assume it is in your VA medical records for your VA primary care doctor to see.   

The third section of the VA is the National Cemetery Administration. Many veterans and their families do not know that veterans and spouses can be buried at any of the 134 National cemeteries if they qualify, and most veterans do. Your local Veteran Service Organization (VSO’s) Should be able to help you. Your Funeral home should also be aware of the requirements for VA death benefits.   

In the end, you as the veteran or family member must stay on top of your documentation and claim. If you understand that the VA sections do not talk to each other it makes it easier for you to work through the system. It is in your best interest that you not assume the VA benefits section has all of the needed information for your claim. Make sure you understand how you can control the speed that claims get handled by understanding how the system works. For your health don’t assume your VA primary care physician has all of your needed information. Follow up to make sure the right section has the documentation needed to file a successful disability claim and your VA primary care doctor has the needed information to save your life.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Veterans Spouses Need to Tell Their Stories

black-and-white-person-woman-girl.jpg

So often the spouses of veterans struggle to keep their lives together because of problems their veteran faces. These spouses deal with their veterans needs with little to no fanfare or appreciation. These spouses forgo their needs to tend to the needs of the veteran. Anyone who has been in the military understands that they are different. Those who live with veterans know that veterans have quirks others don’t have. No one who goes in the military comes out the same. These differences carry forward with the veteran after their service is completed and passes down to the families which can be a good or bad depending on the situation.

Living with veterans daily can be difficult, veterans can be stubborn. A veteran's needs can be different from civilians. Whether it's being on time, awareness of their surroundings, and being aware of where they are sitting in a restaurant can become a problem. Veterans do not like to sit with their back to the door so they can be aware of their surroundings. This can appear odd if you don’t know why they insist on sitting with their backs to the wall. Sitting in the middle of a crowded room is uncomfortable for veterans, they feel too vulnerable.

Some spouses are dealing with veterans who have mental and physical disabilities that become a part of their lives. These disabilities can lead to a hard and frustrating life for the whole family. Some spouses struggle to make tough decisions concerning the commitment to their relationships. For so many spouses it would be easier to walk away and not have to deal with the issues the military brought into their lives. Many veteran spouses stay in their relationships to their detriment because of loyalty, love, and living out the “for better or worse commitment” they made when they married.

Spouses who live with a veteran who has a physical disability struggle as they both age. Often the physical disabilities create a problem for the spouse because of their inability to physically do what is needed concerning the physical ailments of the veteran. The mental health aspect of veterans can linger for years and be torturous for a life time for spouses. Seeing your loved one struggle with mental health issues and not having the ability to help causes its own stress and frustration. Spouses struggle to understand why their loved ones are acting the way they do because of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), or a multitude of other mental health issues brought on by military service. Some spouses must deal with both the physical and mental aspects of their veteran’s issues, when spouses reach out for help, usually to the VA, they hit a huge frustrating bureaucracy.   

Dealing with the VA is one of the most frustrating things any veteran or their spouse can deal with. I would say dealing with the VA is more frustrating for spouses because they don't have a lot of say on how their veteran is treated. Often regulations set by congress limit the amount of help the VA can give spouses. When it comes to mental health issues, especially PTSD, a spouse has little say in treatment. If a spouse of a veteran with PTSD goes to the VA and says, “you diagnosed my husband with PTSD and I need help, can you help me?”, the VA will tell them “no” unless the veteran is receiving treatment for PTSD themselves. It is well known veterans won't seek treatment because of the stigma and the perception the VA will just throw drugs at them and not deal with their issues. By the veteran not getting help with their PTSD it places their spouse in a tough situation. So often spouses feel they can’t stay in the relationship for their own sanity and they can’t go because they love and are committed to their relationship. What society needs to know is these spouses are taking on their burden by tending to these disabled veterans at no cost to society and a huge cost to their physical and mental wellbeing. Funding to provide spouses help for caring of disabled veterans should be a cost of war. That's why spouses need to speak up and tell their stories so they can get the help they deserve.

Spouses are the unseen heroes of the veteran community. Veterans spouses save the federal government billions of dollars by providing services that the VA and society should be paying for. Our society expects these spouses to be the good soldier and keep doing what they're doing even if it is hindrance to their health. These spouses need to start telling their stories so society can see what they're giving to the country. Without their voice, they’re taken for granted by society, the VA, and family members. I encourage spouses to speak up and tell their stories so they can get their just due and be labeled the heroes that they are.

 

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com for tips on how to navigate the VA system and make your VA experience healthier and less frustrating. Like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

 

For local mental health counseling for spouses you can call

Victor Community Support Services

(Military Family Program)

222 East Main St

Barstow, Ca. 92311

(760) 255-1496

 www.victor.org

 

Christian Counseling Services (CCS)

(Military Family Program)

205 E. State Street

Redlands, CA 92373

909-793-1078

www.ccs-cares.org