Veterans Are Different in the Workplace

I had Kevin in my office last week and he was worried about being fired from his job. Kevin had two deployments to Iraq and understood the importance of doing things right and taking responsibility. Kevin explained how he missed something that could cost him his job and the company a lot of money. Kevin took responsibility and made no excuses just like a good soldier. He was doing what many veterans do, take responsibility for your mistakes. He was frustrated that others with more experience and knowledge missed it too, but their head was not on the chopping block. The difference, Kevin took responsibility for missing it, the other two threw him under the bus making him the fall guy even though they were just as, or more responsible than Kevin. This is not the first time I have heard of this happening, especially with the troops who just separated and have not adjusted. Things are just different in the “real world” than the military, out here people fends for themselves and don’t care what happens to others.  So often civilians don’t take responsibility for their actions and let others take the fall for their mistakes.

Don’t get me wrong, I know there are military members and veterans who are quick to throw people under the buss to save their butts, been there seen that… multiple times. The difference is, in the military those who save their butts at the expense of others are not trusted and shunned in their military unit. Their lack of loyalty follows them throughout their military service.  I also know there are civilians who have integrity and take responsibility for their mistakes, and they deserve to be trusted. Where military veterans fail is expecting civilians to have the same values as their military family. Veterans need to manage their expectations when it comes to civilian co-workers or civilians in general. Veterans want civilians to think and respond to situations like them, the problem is they can’t. Most civilians have not had to protect each other at all cost like military veterans have. What most civilians have been taught is self-preservation at all costs.

In Kevin’s case his co-workers attitude was, Kevin took the blame, why should I get in trouble too? Kevin’s co-workers rationalize their actions to make themselves feel better believing they had no responsibility in catching the issue even though they had more experience and knowledge. If Kevin’s co-workers took responsibility Kevin might be given the benefit of doubt and be able to keep his job. Instead the others involved will get off scot-free. Many veterans tend to take responsibility for their actions, its not the way the civilian world works, it’s an “I’m in it for myself” mentality. There are some in the civilian community that have the same loyalty and integrity as veterans do, and they deserve to be trusted. It is important that veterans know who they can trust and adapt to in their environment and not expect others to change. Just learn who you can and can’t trust.  

Veterans should not give up their integrity, they need to be aware of each situation and respond accordingly. That blind loyalty they had to their military family is hard to find among civilians and often does not work in the civilian environment. There are a lot of differences between civilians and veteran’s in society, the lack of integrity is a major problem for military veterans once they embark on a new phase of life. In Kevin’s situation, he stood up and took responsibility for his mistakes believing his co-workers would follow suit, they didn’t, now he’s holding the bag and possibly losing his job because he had integrity. What Kevin is learning the hard way is integrity is not valued as a civilian, being honest is a flaw and viewed as a weakness to be exploited by those with less character. We need to ask ourselves, what is this teaching society and our children. The days of my mentor saying to me “at the end of the day, all a man has is his word” are gone. I challenge veterans to hold on to their integrity and be careful who you fall on your sword for. Not everyone deserves it.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Knowledge: The Key to Helping Veterans & Their Families

I was eating breakfast with my wife and railing about the Veterans Administration (VA) system. She asked me, don’t you get tired of beating the drum? After 21 years of marriage I assumed she understood why I do what I do, but she didn’t. I explained the reason I spend so much time trying to help veterans and their family is because I didn’t have the knowledge I needed to deal with the system when I needed it. I failed in my most important missions since I retired from the Air Force. I lost my best friend (Josh) to the opioid crisis because I did not understand the VA system, or where to turn in the community.    

A little background on Josh, he was one of my troops who separated from the Air Force about four years before my retirement. Josh was like one of my kids to us while we were in Alaska. He spent a lot of time at our house and was like an older brother to my kids. While responding to a fire truck accident at Eielson AFB AK he hit a moose. Josh received a concussion and injured his back. Once he got out of the Air Force, I tried to get him to file a claim for his back injuries. Like so many veterans he refused because he was OK, others needed the benefits worse.

I continued to talk to Josh every week he had gotten a good job in Denver, had medical insurance, gotten married, and bought a house. He continued to insist he did not need to file a claim. One day Josh bent over to pick up his mothers’ dog, and his back went out again. Josh went on a 5-year downward spiral that would change a lot of lives. I continued to talk to him and could see the downward spiral. It was a year or so before I started to realize Josh had a drug problem. Josh called me one day and told me he was losing his job, his wife was leaving, and he was losing his house. I found out later Josh was drug seeking by going to multiple doctors to get opioids. My wife and I made the decision to fly Josh to California from Denver in hopes of getting him help from the VA. I had him talked into getting help, so he came to California.

Josh arrived in Ontario on a Thursday and I took him to the VA that Friday morning. Because Josh had never utilized the VA at Loma Linda, he had to work through the eligibility process.  After the interview Josh came out and told me the VA could not get him into the drug program because he had made too much money the prior year and did not file a claim for his back. After the VA incident we offered to let Josh stay in our camper at our house. We offered to feed him, give him something to drive, we were prepared to help him in any way. The only stipulation was he had to work on getting clean. Josh declined to stay and went back to Colorado after a week. About 3 weeks later I got a call from Joshes mom, Josh was found dead in his house, cause of death, drug overdose. This was the phone call that changed my life. At first, I blamed the VA for turning him away. As time went on and I started to remove the emotion I figured out it was not the VA’s fault, it’s the systems fault and the VA system is controlled by congress. Joshes death is why I became a therapist.    

Probably the most important thing I have learned is how the system works. While preparing for Josh's arrival I started doing research on the VA I found out how confusing the VA’s website is. I was so tired of always hearing, it depends on the situation, but it does because every VA is run differently, contact the VA and make them tell you no. At the time, I took Josh to the VA there was a limit on income, that has now changed. It would not have mattered if Josh had filed a claim like I insisted, his addiction to opioids would have fell under his disability for his back. I did not know what was in the community. If I had only understood and known what was in the community, I might have been able to get Josh help. I also did not understand how much drug addicts lie. One of my biggest failures was trusting Josh to tell the truth to get the help that he needed.

Like most incidents there were several factors that played into Joshes death. Josh downplayed his addiction during the VA interview, I should have gone in with him. I did not know how bad substance abusers lie and tell you what they think you want to hear. He did not file a claim. I did not know about the income limit, and I did not know where to turn for help outside of the VA. I now work with the VA Choice program and see the VA’s overflow. I started writing about 5 years ago to help other veterans, their families, and civilians understand the importance of knowing how the system works. I am dangerous now, I have education and knowledge.  

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Female Veterans’ Struggles can be Different when Re-integrating

As a clinician, I have worked with a lot of female veterans. One of the biggest themes I see from them are the struggles they have when they get out. Females are not seen as warriors in our society, but I beg to differ. I know a lot of strong females who threaten the ego of some men, especially men in the military, and they can pay the price. Males run military and always have. In 1973 females made up 2% of enlisted and 8% of officers. Now female veterans make up 16% of enlisted and 18% of officers. I constantly hear people say females have made it in the military, there are female generals, and female senior Non-Commissioned officers (NCO’s). Some females who make rank do so because they don’t maintain their boundaries where they should. They work hard to try and get into the “good ol’ boys club”, but they never will be let in by a lot of male military members or veterans.  Some high ranking female NCO’s and officers let things slide that shouldn’t, believe it is ok to be talked down too, are ok with inappropriate comments, and look the other way when there is coercion or sexual harassment. Often the way female veterans are treated while in the military carry forward once they become civilians.  

In a recent survey, just over 60% of females indicated that their military service negatively affected their mental health, most often this is negativity tied to military sexual trauma (MST). The survey also showed that female veterans have a higher rate of depression than non-veteran females. The worst part is female veterans have a 250% higher suicide rate than civilian women. So many female veterans struggle once they get out because of the shame and guilt associated with sexual trauma, and are the largest growing segment of homeless veterans. I have talked to a lot of female veterans who did not tell people they were in the military because they feared those they told will know, or believe that they were sexually assaulted or raped. Not only does MST play a part in why women don't say they were in the military, a lot of men who never served are embarrassed they did not serve and a female did.   

This embarrassment men hold is especially true when it comes to job interviews. Multiple female veterans have told me they did not disclose their military service during a job interview with a man. Female veterans also have said that when they interview with women they feel they are treated differently by the women who are doing the hiring if they know they served in the military. I've also been told by female veterans that they steer clear of the veteran’s service organizations (VSO's) because they're only allowed one foot into the good old boys club. Another thing female veterans must struggle with when around male veterans is fearing that a particular male veteran could have easily been a perpetrator while serving in the military making them feel uncomfortable.  

Another issue female veterans deal with is the stereotypes that still exist that women who served in the military are lesbians. Of course, this is not true but to many civilians, especially women and civilians they can't understand why a woman would want to go in such a male-dominated, testosterone filled career. It is also well known that the Veterans Administration (VA) offers less to female veterans than their male counterparts. Only recently has the VA started offering services specifically for female veterans. At the Loma Linda VA, there is a specific clinic set up just for female veterans. This is a huge improvement over the past but they're still is a lot that needs to be done.  

As you can tell by some of the instances discussed, female veterans can have a hard time reintegrating back into the civilian community. It is a shame that female veterans must endure what they do. Female veterans, so often don't feel safe either in the military or the civilian community. They have earned the same respect male veterans have, please give them the respect they have earned.  

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Veterans Among Heroes in Las Vegas

Photo credits to: Prayitno (Flicker) License: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/legalcode

Teaching psychology in college opens a lot of doors for conversation. After the events in Las Vegas we discussed the aftermath. One of my students had two friends shot at the concert in Las Vegas. As I talked to her you could see the shock in her eyes and the concern for her friends. In Southern California Las Vegas is one of the key places to go for entertainment. Many people in California like to visit "sin city" and let their hair down and have a good time. Las Vegas is known worldwide for its ability to put on good shows, and handle huge crowds that come for the gambling and entertainment. This was not the case a few weeks back when over 2200 descended upon Las Vegas to see a country music festival. These 2200 + concert goers are now cemented in history for being a part of the largest mass shooting in recent American history. No city could prepare for the events of October 1, 2017, not even Las Vegas. It was helpful to the concert goers and Las Vegas that there were a lot of veterans and off duty first responders in attendance or the situation would have been a lot worse.

Veterans continue to be a staple of helping during a crisis, and Las Vegas was another example. According to multiple witnesses some veterans stepped up showed their ability to act heroically and do what it takes to get the job done. During the terrorist attack at the Las Vegas music festival veterans sprang into action and provided help where they could, at times risking their own lives, or the possibility of going to jail. The horrific events in Las Vegas continues to remind us that there's evil everywhere, even in the United States. There were 2 veterans among the 58 killed, one was a veteran who survived a tour in Afghanistan. He is not the first, and probably will not be the last veteran to survive a war to be shot and killed at home. It is bothersome when someone survives a war and is killed at home where he should have been safe.       

All veterans, not just war veterans are trained in first aid and how to handle a stressful situation. Putting skills that were taught in the military to good use, more than likely saved a lot of lives. Veterans and first responders understood the need to provide help quickly and they did in mass. Once the veterans and first responders realized the noise from the shots were not a part of the show, and were actual bullets, they sprang into action, helping where they could. Veterans, first responders, and regular citizens started giving first aid while the shots were still being fired, putting themselves at risk, some people even lost their lives rendering aid to the fallen.   

Knowing what to do and how to handle stressful situations is what saved lives during the attack. Also doing what you “have to do” even if it is illegal, also saved multiple lives. The Veteran who “stole” the truck in Las Vegas to take the injured to the hospital is an example of how veterans think outside the box to make things happen. He took a chance that stealing a truck for a good reason would be ok with the owner, he was right. Thinking quick is a key to saving lives and many veterans have been in stressful situations and know what to do and how to respond when under attack.  

Continuing to serve the community is what many veterans do. Whether it is becoming a volunteer, first responder, police officer, nurse, doctor, or mental health clinician like myself it is done to help the public. If you look at any of the tragic situations that happens, there’s usually a veteran there to help, putting their skills to work and their lives on the line. When a crisis occurs, I can only hope there are veterans around to help, bringing their training to the forefront and saving lives. Veterans are trained to handle stressful situations and usually step up to the challenge when faced with a stressful life changing event. I would like to give a shout out to those veterans and first responders who continue to serve. By acting on their training, skills, and not running from stressful situations, makes us all proud to be veterans.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.