Recent Events Trigger Some Veterans

nicola-tolin-X8agSHaHsjA-unsplash.jpg

John came to session this week and was visibly shaken. John served 2 tours in Iraq and has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He was concerned for himself and his children because of the recent mass shootings. Being worried about the mass shootings happening to him might sound dramatic or his thoughts are over the top, but when you are a person of color like John, I believe it feels different. John is a Hispanic male with a wife 3 and children, and because of recent events, his PTSD has consumed him. John disclosed that he has started to look at things differently in the United States recently and is considering taking his family out of the country because of how bad things are getting, and he is not alone.    

Many of my clients, both veterans and civilians, are worried. Is their fear justified? We just need to look 30 miles down the road to San Bernardino to know it can happen here. The mass shootings in El Paso TX and Dayton OH has unforeseen consequences on our country and culture. I have spent most of my recent sessions reassuring my clients that we’ll be OK. I assure them that we, as a country, have survived worse and will continue to survive and prosper. There’s plenty of blame to go around for the toxic environment. But what concerns me is the impact on those who need mental health help but refuse to get it for fear they will lose their rights.

Some people say the media fuels the fire, others say it is the President, while others blame Congress. It’s not as simple as pointing fingers at each other. It’s not just one entity that causes the problem, it’s a combination of things both big and small. People say, its crazy people doing the shootings no, they’re not all crazy, calculated… but not crazy. The El Paso shooter traveled 8 hours to shoot “Mexicans”, most “crazy people” are not that organized, is it possible he is crazy? … of course, it is, but not likely. It is not crazy people who do the shootings, it is those with weak minds that allow others to whip them into a frenzy. By saying it is crazy people doing the shootings I can see, especially in the veteran community, where someone with PTSD will be scared to get help for fear of losing their rights. I get asked all the time, what is going into my VA records, are you telling them everything I say? The answer is no unless they tell me they are going to kill themselves, others, or have committed child or elder abuse. Other than these cases confidentiality takes precedence. When they are with me, I can tell if someone has malice or they threaten anyone. Its beneficial for them to seek help because as a trained professional I am better suited to see a problem if there is one. So, trying to take weapons from “crazy people” is not the good answer… describe crazy? The “crazy people” will not come to therapy creating a bigger problem.

I have been telling my clients that their PTSD gives them the upper hand in a shooting situation. Their hyper vigilance keeps them aware. They are safer because of their PTSD and they need to use it to their advantage for themselves and their families.  

The shootings have a lot of pieces to it. It’s not the guns alone. It’s not that people are crazy. It’s not the video games. It’s not the schools, or bad parenting. It is a combination of the above. People need to understand there is no easy answers and causing people with PTSD more anguish than needed is problematic. Blaming the issues on “crazy people” does not help. The situation is more complex than others want to admit. There are no quick fixes. This is a cultural thing. With the short attention span and limited intellectual functioning of some Americans, we cannot see the details, we let the politicians and pundits tell us what to think instead of thinking for ourselves. For veterans, you can use your training to protect yourself and your family. You as a military veteran are more capable of dealing with the situation than the average citizen. In this case PTSD can be your friend in the right circumstances. 


For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

The Importance of Accountability

joshua-ness--bEZ_OfWu3Y-unsplash.jpg

Jessie is a Vietnam veteran who suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Jessie has been married 3 times and is presently married to his 4th wife Lisa. Jessie stated that once he returned from Vietnam his anger was way worse than it was before his deployment. Jessie came to see me because of his PTSD on Lisa’s demand.  Lisa had threatened to leave him if he didn’t get the help he needed for his issues. Lisa had seen Jessie’s anger and fears him when he was drinking.  Lisa did not know what had happened with his prior relationships but after a while she discovered his temper, she put 2 and 2 together.

Jessie had been struggling for 40 years since Vietnam, some of his family made excuses for him acting the way he was with his temper, others gave him a pass for his actions. Jessie had a lot of PTSD signs, but no one knew what they were seeing at the time. They just chalked it up to Jessie being Jessie. He has been unable to go into a crowd for years, he gets antsy and short with people, sometimes to the point of confrontation. He has nightmares, gets triggered by smells, sounds, and certain situations while driving. His hyper vigilance is legendary to those who know him.

Once I started digging into his past, I found out that Jessie had a horrific childhood background. Jessie was raised by a violent alcoholic father who beat Jessie, his mother, and siblings at every turn. Jessie had a low draft number, so he decided to join the Navy before he was drafted. He joined hoping to get away from his alcoholic father and the turmoil at home. Jessie did what so many others have done in the past, joining the military to escape their home situation. Jessie went into the Navy strait out of high school thinking he would be on a ship; little did he know he would become a Seabee assigned to a ground unit at Cam Ranh Vietnam. We see a lot of people who volunteer for the military to escape a domestic violence or violent neighborhood situation. These folks are often more susceptible to PTSD because they come in with a traumatic background. Some come into the military with PTSD or the PTSD “seed” increasing their chance of getting PTSD or making it worse. It appears that is what happened to Jessie.  

Jessie had been pulled over multiple times for driving under the influence (DUI). He was able to escape the penalties for a DUI for years, but once the crackdown on DUI’s took place led by the Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (MADD) campaign, he had gotten two. Jessie did some jail time for his DUI and continued to struggle with his drinking. His drinking keeps causing him problems and has affected his relationship with Lisa. Jessie struggled to hold down a job because if his temper, drinking, and inability to do certain tasks. He could not be in crowds or work in confined spaces. Jessie had a good work ethic and skills he learned as a Seabee, so he started his own business. He worked doing odd jobs, being a handy man, and whatever was needed for years while making a decent living doing it. 

One night, Jessie crossed the line and hit Lisa in a drunken rage. Lisa laid down the law with him. Lisa flat out told him if he did not get help, she was leaving. Jessie was 70 years old and could not see himself being alone, so he promised to get help. Lisa explained to Jessie and me in their initial session that she understood his PTSD played a part in his actions, and she would stay if he got help. Lisa had forced Jessie to make the needed changes. That’s how Jessie ended up in my office  

It took Jessie over 40 years and a wife that supported him, loved him, and held him accountable for his actions to get the help he needed. Lisa had decided that she was unwilling to let Jessie continue to blame his PTSD for his actions. Lisa decided to make Jessie take responsibility for his actions. Jessie appears to be headed down the right path. At 71 years old he is finally able to live the quiet life without drama and the constant battles in his head, and Lisa is still with him.  


For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Giving a Pass is Not Always Best

gabriel-E-b_VNmtGJY-unsplash.jpg

Dave served in the Air Force for 6 years and has a combat tour in Iraq. He struggles with his Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) because of a roadside bomb that hit his convoy while in a supply convoy. Dave’s PTSD is well known throughout his family and his small town. Dave has been pulled over by the local police several times for a Driving under the Influence (DUI) but was given a pass because of his military service and PTSD. They would make him park his car and drive him home, there were no repercussions for his actions. Dave has been self-medicating for years, using alcohol while trying to live with his PTSD. Dave looks back at his time in the military and remembers the stigma in the military for seeking mental health help. Dave hangs on to the idea that it is more acceptable to drink than go see a “shrink”. Dave had support in the military from his buddies, they helped him hide the seriousness of his drinking while he was in. Dave understood the ramifications of a DUI in the military but seems to have forgotten them once he got out.  Dave felt like he was alone once he separated, he drank alone, and pushed his family away. Dave’s first DUI pass happened while on his way to get more alcohol. Dave saw his drinking as a way to deal with his PTSD. But self-medicating is not helping, it just caused a larger problem.   

Often, people feel they are doing the right thing by giving veterans a pass for their discretions thinking it would help. Self-Medicating is a huge issue in the veteran culture for those with PTSD. Self-medicating causes a host of issues people overlook because of their service to the country. Dave keeps getting passes for his actions because people feel “sorry for him” because of his combat PTSD. Dave’s spouse, Darlene even allows Dave to drink around the children, when Dave acts up, she blames the war, not Dave for his actions. Darlene is not alone. So many people give folks with PTSD a pass because of their own guilt of not sacrificing themselves. So often spouses feel they can’t leave the spouse with PTSD because they will be leaving a “war veteran” or leaving “a tortured soul”. Darlene feels stuck but continues to coddle him and make excuses for him even though Dave has become a danger to himself and others because of his drinking.

Others in society give Dave a pass, this includes the local police. This is especially true in a small town where everyone knows everyone. Dave could get the help he needed if people would just force his hand and hold him accountable for his actions. Dave should have spent a lot of time in jail because of his DUI stops, but he has gotten a pass by the police. Dave might have gotten help if Darlene had left with the children vowing to not come back until he is better. Dave keeps getting passes from his family, community, and police endangering himself and everyone in the community.

What so many people forget is the cost for giving a pass to someone who needs help. This cost can be the children in the home getting PTSD from domestic violence cause by substance abuse, to believing the parental relationship with alcohol is normal. It is also an issue because if the police or society give a pass for the DUI or the physical assault caused by the misuse of drugs or alcohol will make the person believe he/she will get a pass and keep doing the negative behavior.  By giving the pass they are being enabled making it ok to behave badly. In the end there is a larger cost to society. Your guilt or feelings of shame are not warranted and can cost yourself and society dearly. If Dave had not been given a pass for all his transgressions, he might be alive today. Dave was killed while driving while drunk. I did not know he was struggling, he lived in Ohio and we did not stay in constant contact. I had not talked to him in 2 years and found out we lost him after a phone call from another buddy. Darlene called me a couple of months after his death and told me his story and what happened. We lost Dave because no one held him accountable for his actions. It might be easier to let things slide. It might even make you feel better because you “cut someone a break” but in the end, giving a pass is not always best.


For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

PTSD Is Not Always Combat Related

sasha-freemind-Pv5WeEyxMWU-unsplash.jpg

Johnathan came into session upset that his family feels his problems that brought on his Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is no different than anyone else’s issues and minimizes his fears. Johnathan struggles himself with is PTSD diagnosis because it was not caused by combat. Johnathan’s PTSD came from an incident that happened while he was in the Army but did not come from what everyone expects. Johnathan’s PTSD came from a vehicle accident that happened during training. Johnathan discussed how the Humvee he was riding in rolled down a mountain while he was serving at Ft. Wainwright Alaska. The accident occurred on the bombing range on the back side of Ft. Wainwright, they were alone while driving from one location to another and it took hours for someone to find them. Johnathan was stranded in the Humvee for hours beside his troop who was killed in the accident.    

Johnathan states his spouse; Evelin and his family don’t understand or want to understand what he is going through. Johnathan disclosed that he feels his family looks at his issues as no reason to have PTSD because people have automobile accidents every day.  Johnathan’s family don’t see his PTSD as anything different, they struggle to understand why Johnathan suffers and others don’t who have been in an auto accident. Johnathan’s family makes him feel invisible and refuses to make concessions for his PTSD and just looks at him as being weird. Johnathan was not married or have children while he was in the Army and struggled the rest of the time he was in; he has been dealing with the loss of his troop since the incident. Johnathan began to drink heavily causing him to fall out of favor with his command causing more issues. Johnathan’s family did not know him before the accident and never knew him without his PTSD.

Johnathan recently realized through counseling that he has been going throughout life accommodating his PTSD. Johnathan found job’s that allow him to feel safe with his PTSD which helped hide the PTSD symptoms. But his family continues to not understand. Johnathan feels the sacrifices he has gone through has been unnoticed because his family feels his PTSD is not valid because it was not due to combat. He believes his family looks at his incident as just another automobile accident. Not the fact that he was stuck for an extended time with a dead troop beside him in the Humvee. Johnathan has stopped talking to his family about his triggers because they blow them off and don’t take it seriously. With his family blowing off his triggers Johnathan feels invisible.

One of the biggest things I see in our veteran population is people discounting the sacrifices of those who’s military service’s PTSD did not involve combat. It appears to most people, even combat veterans, that those who did not deploy should not look at their PTSD as the same as a combat veteran’s. The people around Johnathan discount his experiences because they believe Johnathan’s automobile accident is no different than the thousands of accidents that happen in the country every day. What his family does not understand is auto accidents cause more PTSD than combat… it just not talked about. Johnathan continues to struggle with his PTSD because his family discounts his experiences casing him to feel invisible and helpless.


For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Should the President Pardon War Criminals?

stefano-pollio-ZC0EbdLC8G0-unsplash.jpg

I had a retired soldier in my office other day. Carl was livid that the President was even considering pardoning someone who committed war crimes. Carl is one of those soldiers who has retired from his duty and believes society has gone downhill and lost its morality. As a soldier and the son of a career Army veteran he struggles because people do not hold true to their word, values, and morals.  Carl feels those who have committed war crimes should pay for that crime on both sides. That brought up a good question and one to ponder. Should those who commit war crimes be pardoned? From a psychological issue, it becomes a different thought. Things happen in war that scar almost everyone involved. I can see where someone would psychologically snap under certain circumstances and do something they normally would not do, still is it right to kill someone who is detained, in US custody, and suspected of being an insurgent?

Carl believes that if the war criminals are pardoned it will send a message to the world that the United States has lost their values and moral compass. He also worries it will have an ill effect on how our troops are treated in the future when their captured, I can see his point, but I also can see why a pissed off troop can want to enact revenge on someone who just killed their friend. Carlos spent his entire time in the Army training his soldiers the importance of following the rules and orders. Carl is worried that by pardoning the war criminals it will give soldiers the idea that they can do what they want in combat, orders will not be followed, and the battlefield will become a free for all allowing soldiers to kill indiscriminately without due process.  

It is true that today’s battlefield is different. We are not fighting a conventional war; we are fighting a war where the enemy is elusive, resourceful, and organized, the enemy can come from anywhere. They use un-conventual tactics such as improvised explosive devices (IED’s), suicide bombers, and children with suicide vests. Often, they do not fight in the open, they are hidden using technology to their benefit using cell phones to set off explosive devices from a distance. The enemy does not see life as we do. Our enemy look’s at life differently, using our moral compass against us.  They torture and kill our troops who they capture, causing us to want to follow them down the road to immorality so they can use the propaganda against us. I would find it easy to be willing to harm or kill the enemy once they are captured, especially if their believed to be or are the one who killed one of my troops or friends. It would be easy to take that step when your adrenaline is up and in the heat of the moment. Psychologically it is difficult to walk away and not commit the war crime when someone you cared about was killed by the individual in question. I can see where someone could take that step even though it is against Geneva Convention rules where those captured and suspected of being an active insurgent are protected against murder, torture, as well as cruel, humiliating or degrading treatment. But it is an unlawful step to take and can have severe consequences for themselves and future troops sent into the combat zone. The question needed asking… is it worth the cost? Revenge does not help the cause. It only helps the person who is committing the war crime to feel better for a short time.

I agree with Carl; we should not allow a pardon to someone who has committed a war crime. By giving the pardon it tells our soldiers that they can do whatever they want on the battlefield and possibly be pardoned, it tells them it is OK. A pardon can cause the loss of discipline among the ranks creating a bigger problem. By giving the pardons, it also tells our enemy that we will let those who committed war crimes free. This in return gives the enemy permission to do what they want to our troops. It also tells our allies that we no longer have the moral high ground, putting their troops in a precarious position if their captured because they are allied with us. I truly do not think pardoning military troops who commit war crimes is a good idea, but I can see where some would feel it is the right thing and OK to do. The President stated they should not be punished for doing their job. In fact, one of the president’s personal attorneys is representing one of the people accused of committing war crime. The truth is those who are being brought to trial or have been brought to trial are being punished for not following orders, breaking UCMJ laws, and not following article 3 of the Geneva Convention. If they were doing their job, they would not have to be on trial or convicted.


For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Happy Veterans Day

vitor-pinto-YtIjDkkEGfo-unsplash.jpg

A little history lesson for those who don’t know. Veterans Day originated as “Armistice Day” on Nov. 11, 1919, the first anniversary of the end of World War I. It took until 1926 for congress to pass a resolution for the United States to have an annual observance beginning in 1938. In 1954, President Eisenhower officially changed Armistice Day to Veterans Day. The Congress being unable to keep their hands off anything, passed the Uniform Holiday Bill in 1968, changing the celebration of Veterans Day from the 11th of November to the fourth Monday of October. This did not go into effect until 1971 but was short lived. In 1975, President Ford changed Veteran’s Day back to Nov. 11th due to the historical significance of the date. Veterans Day pay’s tribute to all veterans, living or dead, but it is especially dedicated to living veterans who honorably served their country during war or peace time.

One of the issues I keep running into is that veterans are minimizing their military service. Justin was a Marine who served during peacetime and continually downgrades his service as a Marine. Justin spent his entire time in the military working at a headquarters unit where he didn't have to go into the field like most Marines are accustomed to doing. From talking to Justin, he feels he shouldn't even be called a Marine because he did not endure the training and hardships that come from being a Marine. Justin was in during Desert Storm and was sent from California to the East Coast to await orders to go to Desert Storm. For various reasons that was not in Justin’s control, his unit wasn't sent to the Middle East. When I suggested to Justin that he give himself more credit, if for nothing more than going through the Marine Corps boot camp, he discounted that too. From what I'm seeing by talking to veterans, Justin’s not the only veteran discounting their service.

Danny is a veteran who didn’t serve in combat or in theatre during war. Danny spent his entire hitch in the Army stationed in Germany. Danny was in the Army during Vietnam and feels his service is “less than” because he did not serve in Vietnam. Danny didn’t go to Vietnam because of a decision made by someone else, not him, and he still struggles with accepting that. He signed on the line just like everyone else who entered the military and was required to follow orders. Danny deserves, and has earned veteran status and the benefits that go with that honor. He continually talks down his time in the Army and has guilt because he had it easy in Germany while others were being killed in Vietnam. I hear time and time again from non-combat veterans that they don't feel they deserve to be recognized at veteran’s events.

Since its Veterans Day I would like everyone who has ever served in the military and worn the uniform of this country to take pride in a job well done to stand and take credit for their service. To all veterans, please take the time and enjoy your day as a veteran. Proudly wear your military clothing or paraphernalia in support of your service. I have given this lecture multiple times to Justin and Danny. I hope they will take the credit that they have earned and stand proud this Veterans Day if anyone asks “are you a veteran”. To all veterans, thank you for your service and I hope you enjoy your day and get all of the benefits you have earned.


For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Veterans Can Fall Victim to the Failed Mental Health System

mckenna-phillips-Db-stA8meJY-unsplash.jpg

I was talking to a client the other day and she brought up the shooting in Thousand Oaks CA. Jamie had trouble understanding why a person like the shooter was able to purchase a weapon. She did not understand that the shooting was a product of our failed mental health system. The shooter’s PTSD might have played a part in the shooting, but if the mental health system was not so difficult to navigate, the shooter might have been able to get help or be stopped.  The shooter could legally purchase a weapon because he had not been committed to a mental hospital. The shooter understood the mental health system and knew what to do and say when approached about his PTSD by family members and authorities. According to the newspaper, the shooter’s mother tried to get him help but he refused. The way the laws are written around mental health, there is nothing that can be done unless the right situation arises. It is tough to take away someone’s civil rights but in California, if the shooter had been committed to a mental hospital, he would not be able to possess a weapon for 5 years. Because the shooter was never committed to a mental health hospital, he was legally allowed to purchase the weapon.

The Thousand Oaks shooting puts a negative light on veterans again. The shooting is a reminder of our broken mental health system in the United States, not just the VA but the entire mental health system. Part of the problem with the broken mental health system is the rules are different throughout the country. Every State, County, or local Municipality has different rules around who can commit someone to a mental hospital when it’s necessary. There are no national laws that cover committing someone to a psych ward. The mental health system is too controversial for politicians to take on. Fixing the broken mental health system would entail taking away some civil rights of people with mental issues, including their second amendment rights. Politicians will not touch this issue; therefore, the mental health system will probably stay broken.   

As time passes we find out more about the shooter, it was known he had issues and refused to get help. It is also important to know that the shooters track coach at his high school told school administrators that the shooter had assaulted her while the shooter was in high school and before he went into the Marines. The track coach was told to let it go because the shooter was going into the Marines and they would straighten him out. It is now obvious the Marines did not straighten him out.  In the end, the shooter had anger issues before he went into the Marines.

I have seen firsthand how difficult it is to get someone with a mental issue help if they refuse it. I have also been told by several parents, family members, and friends of suicidal and PTSD victims that they tried to get their loved ones help, and the mental health system got in their way for whatever reason. OUR MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM IS BROKEN!  This shooting appears to not have anything to do with weapons, gun laws, or the political climate. It was caused by a failed mental health system.

Our society looks down on those who suffer from a mental issue. The stigma associated with mental health is especially relevant in the veteran community. Veterans often fail to get help for their mental health because of the stigma. Veterans are taught violence; which can be a problem for someone like the shooter who had anger issues before he joined the military. My guess is there was someone who knew this shooting was possible and might have tried to help, but the STIGMA and the system got in the way. I understand it’s hard to take the rights away from someone who fought for your rights but sometimes it is necessary. This appears to be one of those times. Our thoughts are with those families who lost a loved one, even the shooter, he was let down by the system too. The only ones who can truly fix the problem are our politicians. Please press all politicians to do something about our broken mental health system.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Comparing Trauma Can Be Harmful

ryoji-iwata-_dVxl4eE1rk-unsplash.jpg

Kevin and Katrina have been married for 10 years. Kevin is a medically retired Army veteran with 3 tours in Iraq. According to Kevin and Katrina, Kevin appeared to be doing OK until he was medically discharged from the Army for his Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and lost his purpose and identity. Kevin has struggled to maintain any kind of employment and feels the pressure to keep a job from Katrina. Kevin also feels the pressure from her family because he is not “providing” for his wife. Katrina is a few years older than Kevin and was raised by a Vietnam veteran, William, who she adores and feels can do no wrong.

After discussing Kevin’s situation with him and his medical retirement I started to dig into the issues he is having concerning his PTSD, TBI, and family. Kevin feels Katrina is being too hard on him because of his PTSD and not understanding his struggles. Kevin feels Katrina is comparing his experiences with her father’s because he was in war too. Kevin suspects William has PTSD and has been hiding it for years because he has seen some of the signs of in William but Katrina refuses to see it and always changes the subject. Kevin believes William is playing a part in Katrina’s hard-core feelings about Kevin’s PTSD and his inability to hold down a job.

Kevin describes how Katrina continually calls him out for not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. She continually tells Kevin to get over it and move on. Katrina believes her dads wartime experiences are comparable to Kevin’s. She reminds Kevin that her dad had been through Vietnam and was ok and that Kevin should be OK also. Kevin struggles to visit Katrina’s family with her because he feels he is being judged because of his PTSD & TBI by them.

William talks down to Kevin every time he sees him. Kevin stated that the tension can be felt as soon as he walked into the room with William. William has even told Kevin, I’ve seen combat too, I was able to get on with my life, not become a victim, and depend on the Veterans Administration (VA) for a paycheck. William reminds Kevin every chance he gets that he came home and was treated like crap by society, but he refused to let it bother him and moved on, and Kevin should do the same. William had gotten a good job as a heavy equipment operator and had made a decent living. William admitted to Kevin that he does struggle with his own issues but found a way around them and Kevin needed to do the same.

What William does not understand is Kevin’s PTSD goes back to his childhood. Kevin went into the military to escape the abuse he took in the foster care system as a child. Kevin went into the Army with PTSD and his service exacerbated his symptoms. William appears to not care about Kevin’s background and feels he should grow up and be a “man” and take care of his daughter. It is interesting that Katrina does not like the way her father is talking about Kevin, but she continues to harp on Kevin about not being able to get past his PTSD.

What Katrina cannot understand is she was drawn to Kevin because of his PTSD. Katrina can live with Kevin’s PTSD because she sees the same things in her father - the outburst, the secrecy, the triggers, the lack of empathy, and the signs of narcissism. Katrina has seen all of it before and believes if her father could get past it, so should Kevin. What Katrina does not understand is she is doing more harm than good to Kevin’s psychologically. Katrina is what we call a “bootstrapper” She believes Kevin should just pull himself up by his bootstraps and move on just like her father did. Katrina is making a big mistake because she is comparing Kevin’s PTSD to her father’s. The problem is they are a lot different and she can’t see it.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.