Dishonorable Discharge

I first met George about 9 months ago. He was in one of the first units sent into battle in Fallujah Iraq. He continues to carry those days with him. He had been a fast burner in the Army, making the rank of E-5 in 3 years. In war he saw and did things that no one should have to. Anyone who has been to war understands. While he was in theatre he did not believe the sleeping problems and the hyper-vigilance was an issue, he thought it was normal. He thought those horrific dreams would go away. What he didn’t know was those dreams and feelings would follow him home. 

George returned home to a hero’s welcome organized by Vietnam Veterans. When he returned he did not feel like a hero. He felt guilt and pain from the things he had to do and see.  He was happy to see his wife and 18 month old son, the happiness wouldn’t last. His inability to sleep caused him to start drinking more and more. He feared his wife would look at him differently if he told her about his pain and what he had to do on the battlefield, so he never talked to her about it. His temper got worse, scaring his wife. He feared getting help from mental health would end his career. What would his wife think? What would his comrades think? Was George crazy? What would his First Sergeant and Commander think?  Drinking is acceptable in Military culture, getting mental health is not. As his marriage declined he drank more and started spending time with his war buddies. It wasn’t long before he started missing formation and drills. His first sergeant talked to him, but it did no good, he was in an internal struggle with the guilt and pain of what he had to do in Fallujah.

As he continued to decline his wife left, it finally got to the point where alcohol was the only thing that made the pain go away. Everything came to a head with a DUI. His First Sergeant and Commander had seen enough, they gave him a dishonorable discharge. Now George has child support, no job, a drinking problem, nowhere to live, little prospect of a future, and no VA benefits because of his dishonorable discharge. He considered suicide on several occasions, but he could not go through with it.

Unfortunately this is not an abnormal case, this is really happening to veterans. It is impossible to go to war and come back the same person. In a lot of cases families and commanders are ill prepared to deal with mental health issues. To families it is a safety concern. To commanders it’s their job to do what is best for their troops, their unit, and the military. Once George was kicked out he became homeless, he burned his bridges due to his drinking, and he had nowhere to go.

George was fortunate to run into a Veteran that had contacts that could help him. I spent some time with him trying to get him to get help. Veterans are stubborn, asking for help is not on their radar, another veteran stands a better chance at getting a veteran help than civilians, veterans trust veterans. Many veterans do not know the military is taking another look at dishonorable discharges because of PTSD and self-medicating. George’s case is a good example of what can happen when a soldier does not get help. The military is re-looking at dishonorable discharges like Georges to possibly upgrade them so they can receive their earned benefits. Part of the problem is some veterans do not trust the system, why should they? The system put them where they are. I was able to help him apply for the upgrade. He contacted his brother for an address to use.

Help is there for these veterans if they know where to look. There is housing available for homeless veterans and agencies for mental health help if the veteran is willing to spend time and look. Depression can set in during these types of situations and the veteran needs help. Contacting the local American Legion, AMVETS, DAV, or VFW, is a good start for their upgrade, usually they have some answers.  If the veteran or the person helping them get help hits resistance keep trying. Some veterans look at dishonorable discharges as a disgrace, they do not know or believe this could have been them under different circumstances. Let’s give our wounded warriors the help they deserve.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

PTSD an Ongoing Challenge for Veterans

Luis is a 100 % disabled Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF) veteran with 2 combat tours. He joined the Army when he was 18 years old. He was sent to Iraq during his second year in the Army and served his 4 years before separating. He missed the military family and comradery so he joined the Army National Guard looking for what he was missing. While in the National Guard he was sent for a second tour to Iraq. During his second tour, he was injured in a firefight and received a purple heart for his physical wounds and diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). After Luis healed from his physical wounds he was medically separated from the National Guard and attempted to return to his civilian life. Once Luis returned to his civilian life he discovered that his life had drastically changed. Luis avoided crowds, public areas, and even found a temper he or his family did not know he had. Luis struggled to return to work because of his PTSD and soon lost his job because of his PTSD symptoms, mainly his temper. Because of the loss of his job Luis was in a constant battle with his family because he had to move in with them. Luis is presently going to college using his post 9-11 benefits hoping to gain skills where his disability will not be a problem. He has been struggling to keep his life together while feeling inadequate because of the loss of his job and being a 27 years old living with his parents.  He keeps asking himself if he can ever escape the fear of violence of his nightmares. The answer is yes, but it will take a lot of work and the ability to be vulnerable. Luis is trying to better his life but he has a long road ahead.  

We can usually see the physical injuries of our troops, what we can’t see is the hidden wounds. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has always been around and is a growing concern. Those that experience combat have a 3 fold increase in being diagnosed with PTSD. Some believe it is a normal reaction to a horrific event, some say it is only a disorder for the purpose of medical insurance billing. Unfortunately, PTSD exist and those who suffer from it have to work through their issues such as anger, nightmares, hyper- vigilance, disengagement from life, and some even commit suicide. Post-Traumatic Stress is not limited to veterans. Rape victims, car accidents, natural disasters, gang violence, and mass shootings also can cause PTSD. Not everyone who has been injured or witnessed a horrific event will get PTSD, however we are all one car accident, violent incident, or natural disaster away from getting PTSD ourselves under the right circumstances.

It is estimated that 30 to 35% of OEF/OIF veterans are suffering from PTSD. That percentage is expected to increase. Studies have shown the more combat tours one has increases the chance of PTSD manifesting. Presently 2 in 10 soldiers on their first or second combat deployment showed signs of mental illness. That rate increases to 3 in 10 for those on a third or fourth deployment. Because of the short duration of Desert Storm only 12% of veterans suffer from PTSD and time will tell if that number increases. Vietnam veterans have shown that PTSD can create problems as time passes. It is expected that PTSD diagnosis will gradually grow as Desert Storm and OEF/OIF veterans grow older.

Presently 30% of Vietnam veterans have PTSD. Major life events such as retirement or death of a loved one often trigger personal reassessment and forgotten memories. With the average age of Vietnam Veterans being 67 an increase in PTSD diagnosis is expected. Vietnam veterans returned home to a harsh reception and limited mental health options, they did not seek help due to the stigma of their war and mental health. Recent veterans have opened up a new way to look at mental health as Vietnam veterans are starting to retire. Those that suppressed PTSD for 40+ years while delving into their work are now seeking help because they are home all day where family members see their pain and grief. Veterans are often able to hide many of their symptoms because they had been focused on their work. Now they are retiring and the genie is out of the bottle. This kind of delayed trauma isn’t unusual for those that understand PTSD and how it manifests itself.

Present day Desert Storm and OEF / OIF veterans owe a gratitude to the Vietnam era veterans. A direct correlation can be drawn from the work Vietnam Veterans did in the 1970’s to a push for a PTSD diagnosis. Vietnam Veterans are the reason the VA has been focused on the PTSD issue. Thanks to the Vietnam veterans the hundreds of thousands of veterans that are having flashbacks, nightmares, and other debilitating mental health issues are getting the help they need. History is showing that PTSD diagnosis will increase as time goes on as veterans continue to retire. This is evidenced by the influx of Vietnam era veterans seeking help for PTSD. Keep track of the veterans you love and get them the help they need and deserve.   

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro. 

Veterans Spouses Need to Tell Their Stories

So often the spouses of veterans struggle to keep their lives together because of problems their veteran faces. These spouses deal with their veterans needs with little to no fanfare or appreciation. These spouses forgo their needs to tend to the needs of the veteran. Anyone who has been in the military understands that they are different. Those who live with veterans know that veterans have quirks others don’t have. No one who goes in the military comes out the same. These differences carry forward with the veteran after their service is completed and passes down to the families which can be a good or bad depending on the situation.

Living with veterans daily can be difficult, veterans can be stubborn. A veteran's needs can be different from civilians. Whether it's being on time, awareness of their surroundings, and being aware of where they are sitting in a restaurant can become a problem. Veterans do not like to sit with their back to the door so they can be aware of their surroundings. This can appear odd if you don’t know why they insist on sitting with their backs to the wall. Sitting in the middle of a crowded room is uncomfortable for veterans, they feel too vulnerable.

Some spouses are dealing with veterans who have mental and physical disabilities that become a part of their lives. These disabilities can lead to a hard and frustrating life for the whole family. Some spouses struggle to make tough decisions concerning the commitment to their relationships. For so many spouses it would be easier to walk away and not have to deal with the issues the military brought into their lives. Many veteran spouses stay in their relationships to their detriment because of loyalty, love, and living out the “for better or worse commitment” they made when they married.

Spouses who live with a veteran who has a physical disability struggle as they both age. Often the physical disabilities create a problem for the spouse because of their inability to physically do what is needed concerning the physical ailments of the veteran. The mental health aspect of veterans can linger for years and be torturous for a life time for spouses. Seeing your loved one struggle with mental health issues and not having the ability to help causes its own stress and frustration. Spouses struggle to understand why their loved ones are acting the way they do because of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), or a multitude of other mental health issues brought on by military service. Some spouses must deal with both the physical and mental aspects of their veteran’s issues, when spouses reach out for help, usually to the VA, they hit a huge frustrating bureaucracy.   

Dealing with the VA is one of the most frustrating things any veteran or their spouse can deal with. I would say dealing with the VA is more frustrating for spouses because they don't have a lot of say on how their veteran is treated. Often regulations set by congress limit the amount of help the VA can give spouses. When it comes to mental health issues, especially PTSD, a spouse has little say in treatment. If a spouse of a veteran with PTSD goes to the VA and says, “you diagnosed my husband with PTSD and I need help, can you help me?”, the VA will tell them “no” unless the veteran is receiving treatment for PTSD themselves. It is well known veterans won't seek treatment because of the stigma and the perception the VA will just throw drugs at them and not deal with their issues. By the veteran not getting help with their PTSD it places their spouse in a tough situation. So often spouses feel they can’t stay in the relationship for their own sanity and they can’t go because they love and are committed to their relationship. What society needs to know is these spouses are taking on their burden by tending to these disabled veterans at no cost to society and a huge cost to their physical and mental wellbeing. Funding to provide spouses help for caring of disabled veterans should be a cost of war. That's why spouses need to speak up and tell their stories so they can get the help they deserve.

Spouses are the unseen heroes of the veteran community. Veterans spouses save the federal government billions of dollars by providing services that the VA and society should be paying for. Our society expects these spouses to be the good soldier and keep doing what they're doing even if it is hindrance to their health. These spouses need to start telling their stories so society can see what they're giving to the country. Without their voice, they’re taken for granted by society, the VA, and family members. I encourage spouses to speak up and tell their stories so they can get their just due and be labeled the heroes that they are.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com for tips on how to navigate the VA system and make your VA experience healthier and less frustrating. Like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

For local mental health counseling for spouses you can call

Victor Community Support Services

(Military Family Program)

222 East Main St

Barstow, Ca. 92311

(760) 255-1496

 www.victor.org

Christian Counseling Services (CCS)

(Military Family Program)

205 E. State Street

Redlands, CA 92373

909-793-1078

www.ccs-cares.org

Service Animals are Being Misused

My wife and I were in the grocery store a while ago. There was a veteran with a service dog, his dog approached us before the veteran approached. As we talked we discussed his dog and how he felt his dog had saved his life by helping him navigate naturally in society. We discussed his dog and our background serving veterans. He informed us of what we already suspected, he had PTSD. What we discovered was that the dog was securing the perimeter for the veteran to make him feel safe. The dog was obviously working because he would walk up to people and look back at the veteran and continue to evaluate the possibility of threats, it was amazing to see the dog work.

As we were standing in the checkout line, the veteran came to the checkout. The manager came to the veteran and told him he could not have the dog in the grocery store. The manager told the veteran the dog was scaring people because he was walking up to them and checking them out. The store manager was adamant but the veteran prevailed because the manager did not know the law concerning service dogs, and most people don’t because the law is so ambivalent. The Federal law states: “When it is obvious what a service animal provides, only limited inquiries are allowed. Staff (or members of the public) may only ask two questions: (1) Is the dog a service animal required because of a disability, and (2) what work or task has the dog been trained to perform. Staff cannot ask about the person’s disability, require documentation, require special identification card or training documentation for the dog, or ask that the dog demonstrate its ability to perform the work or task”. To us it was obvious, but we have spent time around service animals.  

I am seeing more and more service animals than I used to. It used to be you didn’t see many around unless they were seeing eye dogs for the blind. There appears to be an increase in the use of service dogs and not all appear to be legitimate uses. With the increase of the use of service animal’s there has been an increase in complaints about them, whether it is on a plane, in a hotel, or at a restaurant. Often the employee or customer at the location doesn’t know or understand the rules concerning service animals. After researching the topic, I can see why there’s a lot of confusion. This confusion allows some people to misuse service animals to abuse the Americans with Disabilities Act in their favor.

Per the ADA “A service animal means any dog that is individually trained to do work or perform tasks for the benefit of an individual with a disability, including a physical, sensory, psychiatric, intellectual, or other mental disability”. These animals are not pets. Service animals are highly trained and very expensive. The laws surrounding service animals appear to be vague, making attaining a registration and a service animal kit with a vest very easy. The federal government does not offer any official registration for service animals, therefore those who sell these items, usually on-line, are not vetted, allowing the owner of animals to be deceptive. This hurts anyone who needs a service animal by making people skeptical about whether the person needs the animal or not. This is a problem for all disabled Americans, especially veterans with non-visible wounds such as PTSD. 

I can tell if a service animal is a true service animal by the way it behaves. A service animal will not bark unless there is an issue. They are trained to urinate and defecate on demand. They will not become agitated at sitting in a room with all kinds of people and noises for hours. Service animals have extremely even temperaments and may take 20 months or more to be trained. They also can cost up to $18,000 or more depending on their training. A true service animal will be well behaved, are safe to be around other animals, people and even children.  Understand that the animal is on duty and working when they have their vest on.  Therefore, they should not be petted or distracted from their job. An animal that is aggressive in any way is not a true service animal and is a “fake” service animal.   

After all the research for this column I have discovered rules are in place for service animals, but for businesses it is a minefield to legally challenge someone if you believe they are misusing the service animal laws. The ambiguity of the laws hurts everyone who really needs their service dog. It is against the law for someone with a service animal to be denied services at restaurants, movie theatres, stores, and aircraft. Often people fake service animal’s credentials so their dog does not have to fly in the cargo hold while traveling. The Air Carrier Access Act requires airlines to allow service animals and emotional support animals to accompany their owners in the cabin of the aircraft. Individuals who are traveling with emotional support animal or psychiatric service animals may need to provide specific documentation to have the animal travel with them. Where this appears to be unlawful because the law stating no questions or documentation can be asked for, it is suggested that service dog owners should call ahead to check airline requirements before bringing their animal to the airport. This can save aggravation or the headache of a scene with the airline. Even though there are a lot of people abusing the system, it is best if you have documentation for a legitimate service dog to alleviate questions by those who do not know the law concerning service animals.  Clearer and more explicit laws would protect both the person who needs a service animal and businesses who have to navigate the laws and protect their establishment and public from “fake” service animals.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Is Self-employment a Key to Surviving PTSD?

Most veterans with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) continue to work and have productive lives, but some suffer from work environments, surrounded by their triggers. These triggers severely limit their employment possibilities. Whether it’s crowds, loud noises, or certain people, some veterans struggle to have a career after their military service. PTSD is something many spouses, children, employers, and families do not understand. It might be in the best interest of the veterans and their families to consider having their own business allowing them to control their environment, thus controlling their PTSD symptoms.  

While working with veterans I noticed how often Vietnam veterans decided to become entrepreneurs and start their own businesses. It was obvious to me that veterans with PTSD became self-employed because they needed to control their environment. Often PTSD symptoms cause stress to the veteran so they opted to not enter a 9 to 5 job and become self-employed. One veteran noted that he struggled being around other people because of his triggers and was in his best interest to be in control his environment and provide a good life for himself and his family.

All types of businesses can allow veterans to control their work area or environment if their self-employed. These veterans who decide to be self-employed have everything it takes to become successful. In the military, everyone's trained to have discipline, leadership skills, and how to make do with what they have. These skills can work well owning your own business. Veterans have a habit of making things happen when others feel they can't. I remember the old saying we had in the military “I have done so much with so little for so long I can now do anything with absolutely nothing”. In theatre and at home making do with what you have is a way of life and a skill that works when you are your own boss. This can give military veterans an upper hand when it comes to creating their own business.

One of the biggest keys to becoming your own boss when you have PTSD is the ability to hire people to do the tasks your PTSD prevents you from doing. If crowds bother you, you can hire someone to do your marketing. If you don't like going to events needed for your business, you can hire someone to do that also. If you struggle with customer service you can hire someone to do customer service. If you feel like you need to be in control of your environment you can set up your business to be PTSD friendly for you creating a safe environment you can function successfully in. There are so many benefits to having your own business and being in control of your environment, particularly when you suffer from PTSD.

One of the things I see growth for veterans is in online business. There are so many opportunities on-line where a veteran can work from home and control their environment. This gives them the freedom to control everything they need to be successful, most importantly their surroundings. Where the newer generation of veteran has an upper hand on the Vietnam era veterans is the ability to utilize computers. Most older veterans are not computer savvy enough to create an on-line business. Most of today's veterans have been raised with a computer and know the ins and outs of how to utilize social media to market their business to help their business thrive.

I challenge veterans who suffer from PTSD to start their own business if they are struggling to find or maintain a job. Being self-employed is a way for the veteran and their family to use all the skills they have learned during their time in the military to become successful. By utilizing the perseverance and can-do attitude taught in the military you can become a successful entrepreneur. By owning your own business, you can control your life and triggers that surround your PTSD. Don't let people say you can't do something because of your PTSD. If nothing else prove them wrong and become successful in your own endeavors. If you need you can utilize some of the government agencies who offer loans and grants for veterans to start their businesses. Put yourself out there and become the person you've always wanted to be by becoming your own boss. Don’t let PTSD control your life, use it as a catalyst to own your own business.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Moral Injury, Another Veteran Crisis

William is a Vietnam Veteran in failing health who I met through a veteran’s program. William is starting to look back at his life and starting to prepare himself for his death. Like many Vietnam veterans William is struggling with what he had to do in Vietnam. The unconventional battlefield that started in mass numbers during the Korean uses women and children to carry out some of their attacks, service members have no clue who their enemy is, you just have to follow orders, make judgement calls, and hope for the best.  

When William’s unit entered a village in Vietnam, they were ordered to destroy the village and kill or capture anyone who was there, this included women and children. Military intelligence had informed his commanding officer (CO) that the village was a haven for Viet-Cong and must be destroyed. They completed their mission and proceeded to follow orders to burn the village to the ground and kill all those who refused to surrender, even women and children. What was accepted by his superior’s and his chain of command as following orders is something William would live with the rest of his life. William is starting to look back at his life and wonders how he could go to heaven after killing so many people and breaking his moral code. Thanks to following orders William has spent most of his life self-medicating with drugs and alcohol trying to forget the pain he has had since he was 19 years old. William is not only suffering from PTSD, he is suffering from moral injury.

Moral injury is a relatively new term but the idea is as old as war. The term was first used in the late 1980’s and described as “the psychological burden of killing and the betrayal of leaders. The definition of moral injury is the damage done to one's conscience or moral compass when that person perpetrates, witnesses, or fails to prevent acts that transgress their own moral and ethical values or codes of conduct. Moral Injury is a slow burn that takes time to sink in. It requires a healthy brain that can understand moral reasoning, evaluate behavior, experience empathy, and create a coherent memory narrative. It is a negative self-judgment based on having transgressed core moral beliefs, values or feeling. Many time in war soldiers are placed in high stress situations and are told they must betray there since of “what’s right” to carry out orders given by someone who has the position of legitimate authority.

When we think of what military members go through we look for and expect to hear fear. But what is coming to light is sadness related to loss, but also attributed to bearing witness to evil and human suffering including death you participated in. There is fear in most who have seen combat, but what happens after fear. For some it takes minutes, for others it takes years to feel the sadness or sorrow of forgetting your human morality. Veterans try and suppress their moral injury and some succeed through the use of drugs and alcohol which brings on its own set of issues. Others work hard to support their families and place their morality on the back burner, they are doing what is moral, providing for their family and working. 

A common theme is veterans feel that nothing can prepare you for what war is really like. When they return home to some it feels like they have lost their soul. It not hard to believe when society states, thou shall not kill, military culture states thou better kill, be killed, or suffer the shame of not trying. In today’s wars veterans do not know who their enemies are. Many women and children, including babies have been killed by accident or necessity. Driving past wounded women and children and not stopping to help because of orders, making the decision to shoot civilians because you don’t know who your enemies are, killing families because of one enemy sympathizer, killing someone over anger because they killed or shot your comrade are all breaches of Americans moral code.

In war military members must follow orders without question, and at times those orders shake the soldier’s moral beliefs. There appears to be no end in the breach of moral codes in war. The symptoms of moral injury include shame, survivor guilt, depression, despair, addiction, distrust, anger, a need to make amends and the loss of a desire to live.

Some military leaders reject the idea of moral injury and one leader advised a suicidal soldier to “be an adult” and get over it. In the future, the loss of morality and moral injury is going to explain a big chunk of why veterans suffer as they get older. Some feel moral injury is one of the primary factors in military suicide rates. The key for friends and families is to be on the lookout for moral injury and get them the help they deserve.

Many soldiers who serve in combat reach out to counseling from Chaplains. The same mental health stigma is not attached to talking to the Chaplin as a mental health professional. Also speaking to a Chaplin will not go into their permanent records. They also believe that most therapist do not have knowledge of theological issues such as morality concerning good and evil, or religious meaning. Veterans also believe when they raise moral questions about conscience in therapy they get referred. There is nothing wrong with reaching out to both. There are also clinicians who have been trained in religion and are pastors who are licensed therapist.  

Moral injury is not something that can be cured by medication. The restructuring of their moral identify and meaning is the key. What it takes is the support of caring non-judgmental community who can find a way for veterans to forgive themselves. Our communities need to understand the war does not end when our troops return home, it is just the beginning, just ask the Vietnam Veterans who are still dealing with this issue 40 plus years later. There is hope, in the VA there is funding for a 4-year study on moral injury in Marines. Let’s see where that leads.  

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.

Is the PTSD Epidemic Society’s Fault?

I was looking through some videos for use in my class and ran across Sabastian Junger, who thinks that the problem with the PTSD epidemic might be society, rather than those with PTSD. What he was saying is plausible if you look at the way our society treats people with mental health issues. We have become so individualistic that veterans do not know who to turn to, so they do not turn to anyone and they try to deal with their PTSD on their own. No one says it aloud, but we do not welcome those with PTSD back into society. People fear them and often try to stay away from them, leaving their families to pick up the pieces. So often people throw money at an issue and think that will fix the problem but it never does.

I am often asked “why was PTSD not an issue after WWII and the Korean war”? That is a good question, and I have a theory. After WWII and Korea, veterans came home and blended back into society, they were accepted because everyone understood, everyone contributed to the war effort and sacrifices were made by all of society. WWII veterans also had time to decompress with their buddies while on the long ship ride home. Whenever a WWII or Korean war veteran did something considered outside the norm of society all that needed to be said was “he was in the war” and the issue was dropped. These veterans were not looked down upon, they were respected and not labeled with a “disability”. So often these veterans were accepted back into society and lived a normal life. That all changed when the troops from the Vietnam War came home.

The Vietnam War was a turning point for America when it comes to wars and society. The Anti-war protesters rallied and called our veterans baby killer.  Our veterans were spit on, and shunned because our society could not, and did not want to understand. Many of the protesters dodged the draft for assorted reasons, so they created a hostile environment for our Vietnam veterans to return to.  Since we know PTSD is a constant battle with threat assessment, these protests exacerbated veteran’s PTSD, the veterans felt threatened, as anyone would have, causing them to disconnect from society. This makes it is easy to understand how PTSD could stick around for some veterans.    

In the recent wars, we have had service members go on multiple deployments. Unlike the Vietnam veterans the present veterans are coming home to a hero’s welcome. It often makes you wonder if this is a good thing. I believe the new veterans are treated with respect and looked up to because of the guilt society has about how our Vietnam veterans were treated when they returned. Just like when the Vietnam veterans returned our society continually struggles with divisiveness, hate, and contempt. We are not a unified country and this puts our veterans in a heighted state of threat assessment, intensifying their PTSD. They feel they need to be on guard all the time. I don’t think this is what we fought for, a country that is divided to a point of dysfunction. If the military was as dysfunctional as our society it would cease to exist.      

For many veterans, this type of society is not what we fought for. We miss the camaraderie of our military family. We know that even if we have issues with someone in our military family they will still have our backs. We lose that sense of security when we return to society, we must watch our own backs, feeding into the hypervigilance caused by PTSD. The idea of feeling safe is gone, leaving us to use PTSD as a tool to survive.  What our veterans with PTSD need is connection, understanding, and a purpose. But society will not give them a chance because they are different and society doesn’t understand because they don’t have to.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro. 

Families Need to Become Educated About PTSD

I went to a veteran’s event last weekend and sat up a booth trying to promote the free mental health services for veterans and their families. Very few people stop because I am promoting mental health. Countless events I set for hours while people just walk by with no one stopping to talk, a few pick up flyers and keep walking. As I try to engage people I can see their discomfort because no one wants to be seen talking to someone promoting mental health. When I walk away from my booth I am approached by veterans and family members seeking counseling without counseling. Often these conversations are spouses of veterans wanting to know what they can do to get their veteran into counseling or ask questions about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I am always willing to help but these conversations are too complex for a 5-minute sidebar chat in an open area. If answering questions with a sidebar talk could fix the issues or increase understanding of PTSD there wouldn’t be a need for PTSD treatments. As a mental health professional we are successful when we work ourselves out of a job, we all wish the issues concerning PTSD could be solved with a 5- minute discussion, it’s just not that easy.     

It is a well-known fact that a large stigma exists within the military ranks about mental health. Veterans are taught to suck it up and deal with it. Military members are unrealistically expected by society and family members to come home from war and act as if nothing ever happened. In many cases military members see things no human should ever have to see and do things against our moral code. Military members and their families are stuck dealing with the aftermath of necessary wartime actions. The suck it up and deal with it attitude might help in theatre but is not helpful once they arrive home. Military members are asked to give up their family life and families are asked to bear the burden of war. Veterans return from war to a family and society that does not understand the horrors that many of them see. Due to the mental health stigma many veterans will not seek help for fear of being labeled crazy by the military, society or their family. The mental health stigma in the military is engrained in veterans creating a huge barrier to overcome by both the family member and the veteran.

It is difficult for family members to understand why a veteran will not get help for their mental health issues. As a prior military member and veteran I understand why veterans do not seek mental health help. Family members should understand not getting help has little to do with them. The military culture has a negative view on warriors seeking mental health help. Veterans fear the loss of confidence in them from their peers and the possibilities of losing their careers if they seek psychological help.  This attitude can carry over once a military member becomes a veteran for good reason. Mental health stigma exists in the civilian culture as well, just not as prominent. Veterans worry about their civilian peers, employers, and family members seeing them as weak. This is where the families come in.

Veteran’s spouses and families are key to getting help for PTSD. If you want a veteran to get help for PTSD getting them to do it for their families can work. Often veterans will not do it for themselves but they will do it for someone they care about and love. I have had numerous veterans say they don’t need help but their wives threatened to leave them if they didn’t get the help they feel they don’t need. The help they didn’t need enhanced their relationships making most of them better spouses and citizens. By family members becoming educated on PTSD they can understand the why’s and how’s of PTSD. Education can give family members the power to have the conversation with their loved one. In return the education will help the family members help themselves, leading to a better relationship with their loved one. The efforts taken by family and friends can lead to getting back the happy life they deserve.

Being Married to PTSD or having a loved one with PTSD is a challenge. By becoming knowledgeable about PTSD and why someone reacts the way they do when triggered can help better your relationship. There is a lot of information about PTSD out there, especially the internet, some good some bad. The common theme I see is family members being told what to do about PTSD, but not how to do it. Become educated on how to handle situations, not what to do can help. Having the proper tools and knowing how to do what you are told to do make easier to be Married to PTSD and may save your relationship.

For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.